I liked the second chapter. I know you've heard this before but you have so much dialog. I think it's still fun to read but I think your story would be better with some more narration. It almost seems like you're writing a play because it's so much talking with a few descriptions and stag directions in the middle. Haha. Regardless, I still enjoyed the story. Just if you're going to try to get your writing published (which I think you should), you might want to try to make your stories more rounded in terms of the writing. :)

Interesting start to your story. It seems interesting so far. I would keep reading. I think that your story would benefit from editing (even though it's not the most fun). I think that your ideas are very interesting and easy to read.. and want to keep reading. It's enjoyable, but I still think editing would turn it into really great writing. Some people can write really well but don't have the creativity or the followthrough with their ideas. You don't have this problem. Your storylines are amazing, but it seems like you sacrifice some of the quality of the writing just so you can focus on keeping the story moving.

Still, I think you're a very wonderful writer!

lol erm that ending was just like holy ** did it really just end? Maybe there's more hidden somewhere. hah! I think that that really sort of ruined the whole story a little bit, the characteristics of the characters that I percieved seemed like this chapter wouldn't even happen to them. I don't know it seems unrealistic for them not that it wouldn't actually happen it just seems like it wouldn't happen to them. Meh maybe it was just me...

OH MY GOD!! I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH! THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING! I'M SAD THAT I FOUND IT SO LATE AND THAT IT'S ALREADY OVER! BUT I LOVE IT YOU'RE AND AMAZING WRITER!

I understand why Haruna did that... I just hope she realizes that Charlotte changed.

Okay so yeah. This ending was better. hehe :)

Blessings

HAHA! SOMEONE FINALLY TOOK MY WONDERFULLY THOUGHT OUT AND INCREDIBLY PERSONAL REVIEW! Haha!

That's what I call a good ending. That, right there, it smoothed everything out! :D

Uh what happened to her dad again?

Hm I wonder who really did it.

TT.TT im so sad it ended.. i am gonna miss these guys..

I'm like 40k words behind on my nanowrimo.
I hate failing school T^T

THE END?!
NU

... AND CHARLOTTE KNEW THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

Okay, I know you really couldn't avoid it with a plot line and characters like so, but I have to say it! That was SO cliche (with the accent thing)!! (!!) I really don't know if you could have written it with out the cliched ending, but it just seemed... so sappy, so cheesy to me. Maybe there should be an epilogue to smooth out the cliched parts. Epilogues make things better(:

aw!! what a sweet ending!! it was so sudden, but i still liked it though!

I love this story. One of my favorites

Oh that was so good! I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting and sharing with us!

((hugs))

Blessings