Even though you say you write mostly humour, I really, really like this. Plus it's nice to see something in third person, cause a lot of what I see on here on fictionpress is first. Normally, I have trouble identifying with female characters, but I really like both Jonah and Leah. Plus I'm weird and like reading about school shootings. But I absolutely love your writing style, and my only critique would be that this so needs an awesome ending.

Wow. This story is so.. intense. And real. And quiet. It makes me wince every time I hear a noise. I'm worried about both of them, Jonah and Leah. For their physical and mental well-beings. Especially Jonah :/ But then again, Leah's always in pain from the baby. Both characters are developed so well. You're an amazing story-teller.

I had no idea what was going on and then I was like, Oh that makes sense. (I'm slow.)

This is really good so far. I'm enjoying it. It's different than what I normally read...(by that I mean, normally I avoid het. Completely.)

Looking forward to the next chapter.

~AftG, Maggie

I'LL READ THE NEXT CHAPTER THE MINUTE I SEE IT IN MY MAILBOX

UNLESS I CHECK MY MAIL RIGHT BEFORE ILEAVE THE HOUSE

THEN THAT WOULD SUCK


but yay I'm way more interested now. the part where youwrote about the bullets going into skin is sort of weirding my head out but yeah

Does Jonah, by chance, have an eating disorder? Because, if so, you did a really efficient job portraying the private desperation that goes on with people who have EDs.

I'm a writer here, but I didn't log in, because I don't want everyone to know this -- I have an ED, and this story literally made me stop to cry. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about writing it, but rather, to congratulate you on putting some emotion into writing about such a topic. I really appreciate that.

Please, do us justice in keeping up with that, and not showing an eating disorder as something that is about vanity. You're doing a great job with it, and I commend you for it.

Thanks so much, and as always, I love your stories. It seems like you improve with every one.

God. I love the way you write. Like... even when you're not writing about silly li'le guys like Al and Addison, you write so well. It's all so, eh, emotional. You know? Everything you write has so much emotion in it.

This is all very terrible D: But I love the mood you set, it makes me feel bad. In a good way, of course. I love the way you split the chapters, too. I have to say, though, that I like Leah´s point of view better. Jonah´s more...quiet? I don´t know how to put it, but I can´t wait for the new characters and to find out what the heck happened when they were kids and just now in the school.

:)

finally read it and the whole school shootingness totally caught me by surprise. XD

I like Adrian. just 'cause of his name. and his sweatshirt. :D

Oh wow.

It's fascinating to see how similar the circumstances are between Leah and her twin, despite how different their situations are.

I can't help but think it's sad how callous their respective boyfriends (past and present) are... and of course they say nothing about it. Like their stuck in some sort of stasis, unable to move on, unable to do anything to fix their problems, either by talking about it or taking some sort of action to get help, like seeking a therapist or counselor.

It's also interesting how coincidentally there's a school shooting going on- potentially it could be someone sick of being bullied, someone who thinks he or she has been wronged, or just someone plain sick in the head. Taking action instead of dwelling on a problem- but making the wrong choice, one that won't help anything.

I'm looking forward to reading more.

Aww. It's sad that that siblings both feel so many of the same things and yet both feel alone in them. Even more, they both care about each other, yet neither wants to pry into the other's problems and neither is willing to share their own. The end of this chapter is a nice bright spot, a connection between them, but the aftermath of a school shooting is a whole other can of worms to deal with and it might derail the rest of the story, but if you just leave it and go on without really dealing with what you've gotten the characters into, it would be bad, too. Maybe they could connect a different way? Something that still results in fear and the need to protect each other, but isn't so big as to hijack the story? Unless you have plans for the school shooting business throughout the rest of the story, in which case, full speed ahead.

I'm going to admit right here right now that I don't understand what the hell is going on. I can read, yeah, so I see the facts you lay out and the actions that occur and the crazy... shooting thingie... but I don't understand. It's all the 'deepness' of emotions and whatnot. I just don't get it, but that's what makes this story interesting.

Ooh, a little more backstory :o I feel kind of bad for Adrian, but not really. He´s a bit odd...I don´t know what to think about him yet XD And what the hell was going on at the end?? I can´t wait to find out! Great as always, Lain!

wow i really like this story. i like stories that deal with anorexia or other mental issues. i really like jonah, truthfully i dont care about leah all that much, but im sure that will change further on.

what was that at the end? a school shooting or an earthquake? anyway i cant wait for ur next update! :)

This _is_ really different. It's chilling.

But you've got me.

What. What. Just. WHAT. School shooting? D: No, Leah and Jonah already have enough crap going on, and it's only the 2nd chapter!

Also, Adrian seems a little douchey. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm misinterpreting something. Blah.