Right now, I can say that it's well written. There are no jarring mistakes in grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. And hey, the writing is smooth too. The only problem that I can find is that it doesn't have a particular... well, 'pull' to it that may want to draw me in to read the next chapter. Maybe if you added some twist or a glimpse into the story's plot, it could make readers curious to continue reading it. :)

reasons cassie concerns me-
1. Blonde curls
2. Big eyes
3. Tangents in story.
4. Specific mention of tommy lee
damn she sounds familiar...
Chaz I like this and nothing has even happened yet. You are an amazing writer and if you don't keep writing this you will never see our pens again!
you know I'm not even kidding. I love this please keep writing YOU are actually good