oar! tily everly!
I guess somewhere mixed in with the horror and pressure of being a sleuth of an assasin is the common teenager. Being a teen can be a ** sometimes!
now i've got the rest to read... may take some time...
** ;)

Hey, I like your story, but I wished you'd make an indication between the parts when Lola was reminiscing and when the story is going on. And your tenses tend to go haywire a little bit. Other than that, I like!

Good start! I love the idea of the two warring families. Lola isn't a Mary Sue (yet, at least), and your other characters are very original.

~jennedy~

it was too short! too much suspence!

Oh wow...
Okay, so he's a complete and utter pain in the rear, but you kinda have to love Cedric!
O.o

Still, the ** beat her up! She shouldn't forgive him so easily!

Awesome!
=D
This is so going to go wrong...
>.

o.o... i feel bad for poor jack. He's mixed up in the middle.

i don't know about love, but i'll give you my thoughts... I felt kinda sad for Jake. He seems so sweet, and i got this horrid idea that the sweet ones always die.

Aw, she's lonely!
Poor girl =(

'nice story'. hehe.

hey Tily! Itss freaddy teddy... im not sure if u remember me... :? How ya doin? Story beginning is awesome, by th way!

I disagree with that last remark.
It wasn't dull, it was written really well.
Like, i could imagine it being played out as a movie.
Kudos.
=]

O.O There weren't any mistakes in that!
The suspense in this was perfectly done, especially towards the end.
=]

is that it? or was it just the beginning? because it sounded REAL good i shure would like ta finish readin it! :)