As usual, I really like this story!
(Actually, I'm pretty sure I like all of your stories)
There's going to be a part two right? :]


Anyway.
Who's Jared? He's mentioned, but who is he?
&

"With a malovalent crackle of farewell, it shudders to a stop."
^ isn't it malevolent?

Cliches aside, I enjoyed your story. Each of the characters had a clear and defined personality, although having said that I felt that it was a bit hard to understand what was going on at times.

I liked how you went back and forth in time to describe the story, but because you wrote it that way it was hard to imagine what was present and what was past. I though that the narrator was a boy at first, then a girl. Although I liked that you used first person narrative. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I liked your story, but I think if you added a few more notes of detail it would really go a long way to strengthening it. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.


Jules, via the Review Marathon (link in my profile)

Beautiful!

Wonderfully told story. I love the switch on the cliche! And I was captured by the first sentence. Always so thoroughly described, your stories are like watching films, and I always end up falling in love with the characters. The dialogue was wonderful, the flashbacks were perfectly timed and kept a good rhythm. Lots of times when stories have flashbacks this is not the case - I'm totally impressed with your skill.

I would love to point out something for you to fix or work on - not just because writer's like to perfect their craft, but because it would make me feel better ;) - but I can't! I'd probably have to read this ten times before I found some miniscule thing to change and that is just not necessary.

Something else I love is how thorough you describe the scenes and characters, all the while managing to leave that veil for the readers imagination to see through - to see 'them' through. If you know what I mean...Very personable, this story.

feeling slightly worshipful...Aranel

Hiya!
I LOVED this entry! :D

I was a bit confused about the italics until I realized they were flashbacks during the course of a normal story. Maybe you could've formatted it diffrently?
Otherwise, your imagrey is beautiful and I really got into this and could even relate to the characters a little.

Watch it, I might vote for you instead of myself! (^O^ Of course I will...who votes for themselves...)