Lovely and horrifying! I did notice one thing, though- you would switch from one time to another(like "caught" to "catch").

This is really good. I'm guessing it is a one-shot?

I think that this is best as a one-shot :P

Good job btw!

This is an impressing story, very descriptive however I’m not sure you needed to mention about the hard time that Valerie and his older brother had had because that leaves the reader thinking well nothing came of that.

I think you should continue the story as personally i believe cliff hangers give you the full effect of the story, it's better to end it.