YAY.. ond omigod...poor Gale..lol. The chappie was awesome as usual. glad you finally got back into it enought to post chapter 4. lol >> (I really need to get a move on with Sandman..you know before CHRISTMAS! XD) anywho, very discriptive, >> although Lyon sounds like a suspicious bastard so far...XD oi. lol. Yayness and Moreness!

Mwahahahaha!!oi oi... poor Ziven. lol Drake is a handful isn't she? Brilliant as always! more please.

Dude.. awesome intro! lol spectacular writing as always..if you didn't know what was going on it would be slightly confusing... but good thing I already know whats going to happen..^^ although more I beg of thee!

The edit of this chapter is very interesting so far, a great improvement from the last. I still think you could condense this chapter a little more in the event of overwhelming your readers too much? Even add some of these details later on if you believe that they are important enough to keep?

Anyway, great work!

This story definitely has potential. I love the first bit where Gale storms into her chamber screaming, and she's relieved that the ancestors built such thick walls so that the rest of the castle can't hear her 'unlady-like' expressions of anger.

Just a few suggestions - perhaps condense some of the description of the relationships in this chapter and try to add them instead over a few chapters so that the reader isn't overwhelmed? What you've got is good, it's just that I find it's always more interesting on reader's behalf if you 'show' and don't simply tell it straight as it is.

Great work so far!