Aww, that's what I call a happy birthday. Update soon!

Ha, Natalia can be so snippy at times, but Dallas responds so well!

The tour of York reminds me of a college tour I went on. I actually considered living in the collge library too. Deja vu moment...

"My Man"...Lol.

Their interaction is always so cute...

Mollie needs to go jump in a ditch...honestly, harrasing Dallas like that!

Oo, I read Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen this summer! I think Natalia will enjoy it :D

Lovely chapter. I'm so glad Natalia got that letter!

Maybe show not tell with the timing...instead of saying it was the first Wednesday of November...say "on the way down to breakfast she caught old neighbor putting up Christmas decorations already/light coating of snow on the ground...and shook her head. It was too early for winter." Or something like that. Instead of saying she greeted her parents include it in dialogue? It would be natural...where is Derek, that might be my own curiosity but it would add realism to the whole situation if everything fell into place and didn't seem so set up, if that makes sense. Is she too young to drive, that would make sense again...but I don't know if we ever find out their ages...is Derek at work (so him and Dallas college age) or what exactly...if they are all in high school why would Derek leave without his friend/sister (practical and saves gas money)? Early sports practice or work after school or something? Again it is kind of confusing, and detail that could be added in. Make sure all the pieces fit together…otherwise why have parents or a brother in there at all if they don’t add to the story or are just there to set up scenes between Dallas and Nat?
Read out loud, some of your phrasing sounds off/awkward/strained when the parents are talking, and why did the mom do all the talking if the dad was sitting right there…can’t he speak for himself…and training camp…I’m going to guess military but not everyone may know that or realize that…or for a sport team, good background to include whether in Dallas or Nat’s thoughts or text somewhere. Even saying had to go by school to get to camp or whatever. Again, remember your readers are not in your head or have the luxury of knowing everything about your setting/characters so try and share that in bits and pieces. Especially if they play a role later on.
Is it necessary to name the type of car Dallas drives…kind of the reverse of what I just said, unless it is important to the story or her thinking or something, do you need to mention it? Sometimes it can interrupt the flow of scenes or make a reader stop and wonder what the big deal is.
Would Dallas be so forward? You kind of give a mixed personality of him, sometimes he is sarcastic and teasing like here yet in the previous chapter he was clueless as to why Nat was avoiding him, he didn’t believe it when Derek said she crushed on him. I get what you want to do here but it seems kind of sudden and out of place. I don’t know if that makes sense.
Their emotions go back and forth a lot too. I would think after her avoiding him and then being locked in a car with him there might be awkward silence or small talk, maybe he would ask why she avoided him to see if Derek was right about the crush thing, etc. And if he wanted to be all teasing why was he silent in front of her parents. Why did he affect her that way, sure they have a history I guess, but your readers don’t really know it. You build up her feelings but we don’t really get a sense of even why she likes him, if she still has a crush on him etc. The love you hate you banter towards the end is cute. But why does she kiss him, yet hate him yet crush on him…and what is his motive for getting her to like him, why does he care? You hint that she still likes him, but why did she, what happened before, why is it that she likes him now that he was back…background information, flash back scene…something would be helpful. Friends, huh, since when do friends kiss friends? Let alone best friend’s little sisters. :) And again, you talk about what she tells him about and how they magically became friends…but you could show it. Have snippets of dialogue, show the feelings/relationship changing.
Any questions, ask as always.

This chapter was so adorable. I was starting to wonder what Natalia was doing for his birthday, it was cute how he felt disappointed. I'm so happy everything's working out so far :)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SHOUT OUT ON YOUR PROFILE. GAH it means a lot and totally made my day. For real.
I promised I'd be back and here I am :)
The first two lines are kind of repetitive with the first real paragraph...you talk about her avoiding Dallas, and then say it had been a week since the incident...make sense?
Some minor grammar things like commas here and there but I'd rather focus on ideas and content than be picky...if they do get sent to an editor/publisher, they will worry about that stuff (and ideas as well I suppose...I don't really know how it works. Watch your "his" and pronouns in the first real paragraph...I get confused on whether you mean Raine or Dallas...And is it important to bring up Raine or just cut to the chase of Nat wandering and Dallas up in his room.
With the Dallas bit watch for repetitiveness, again read out loud. You talk about downstairs, so if he is going to investigate the noise, you readers can figure out he is going downstairs, you don't have to repeat it. Maybe start out the chapter with Dallas and introduce Nat and her thoughts about the incident/avoidance of him with the singing...like "he was surprised since she had avoided him..." or even “it could have been a robber (the noise)…but what he found definitely wasn’t a robber, Nat was belting out a song…” blah blah. Also watch some of your shorter sentences, they break up the flow and some are fragments.
I like Dallas thinking back to the past, perfect spot to insert some character background like I mentioned before. How was she then, how is she now, when did that all change? Does Dallas wonder about it? Also you probably don’t have to include so much of the song lyrics, unless they and the particular song are important to the story, just that she was rocking out to a chick song could be good enough. Do some more showing here, did she sing with a spoon as a microphone as she stirred spaghetti sauce for dinner? Was she banging her head, causing her hair to fly all over…make a character sketch of her and allow it to share some stuff about her. It’s also interesting and cute that Nat is oblivious to Dallas but is it realistic? Where is everyone else in the house. You set up a plot that deals with her parents and her brother as his best friend, they can’t just appear and disappear. Granted, they aren’t around all the time, but yeah…and why aren’t they all eating together? Is it a school night, or a weekend where they could be off doing other things. It might seem picky, but really over think a scene…I’m not saying list off where everyone is but set the scene and think of loopholes like that.
You could also probably connect the scenes despite the different points of view (POVs) because the events link together and it makes sense. Was Dallas just chuckling, or leaning against the doorway, did she hear it over a television show? Again more scene setting and character development. And why does she keep running away. I mean I guess it is better than always arguing with him or something, but it kind of creates a weak character with her running all the time. I guess she would still be embarrassed about the incident but mention that…try to show us somehow. And she doesn’t like Dallas (used to talk to him and now avoids him) would she avoid her family too? They all live in the same house and go to the same school, are they always apart? Don’t drive together, friends don’t mix… Good dialogue and plot twist at the end…would Derek (as a possibly protective older brother just come out and say it? It almost seems like she is younger than him…aren’t they the same age…maybe that’s just me.) Again watch the dialogue format.  Any questions ask. I’ll be back again soon.

Science and film, Nat has widely spread interests. :) Again a lot of tell vs. show. Maybe her and Dallas have a convo about formal and that's how we find out she wants a date...maybe the three children are talking about the devil mean girls at school over dinner and that is how we find about the dumping thing intead of just telling what happened...make sense?

Also I'm all for the cliches. Falling for brother's best friends, annoying popular ciques, nicknames of the Ice Queen, using elements of these are all good, but maybe try and switch things up a bit, throw something in there people aren't expecting...make it your own...otherwise it sometimes gets too predictable.

Love your names by the way...Natalia is similar to my name and Dallas always reminds me of THE OUTSIDERS. Great book.

Also you don't have to say everything the characters do, if she got a glass and handed it to him, I'm going to assume that she filled it with water, unless you specify otherwise, you know? Also, for hating Dallas and ignoring him, the kiss seemed a little...uh sudden? Especially to be initiated by her. Maybe that's just me. You did present the confusion of feelings well though. AgTry not to rush your characters, we hardly know about them and they are being pushed into feelings and such. You could have had one of her firends ask him to the dance and her realize she was feeling jealous...and slowly progress things? And the crush on Raine, but then kissing Dallas. AAgain, work with how it all plays out. Try not to have too many characters...sometimes it is hard to keep track of htem...just a side note.

Again, not trying to sound harsh...most of the stuff is technical stuff. But it is well written, jsut could use a look over. Which you might have been planning to do upon finishing it anyways.

First two sentences you use the word "crack" in both of them...maybe switch it up in the second one. Or cut that bit out entirely in the second one so it's not so repetative. But great job setting the scene. Kind of can picture it like a movie...

Watch some of your phrasing...try to read it out loud and make sure that it sounds right and makes sense. Sometimes as writers we fall into traps of long sentences or complicated thought patterns that we understand but leave our readers confused. Ex. If she wanted more sleep, but decided to get up why would she lay stubbornly...if she had already made the choice to make up and get stuff done. Make sense?

Try and vary up how you start sentences...a chunk start out with Natalia...blah blah...this is your first chapter so I don't know how much going back and re-reading you have done. But I thought I would point it out. I get better as a writer as I go along in my story. Also try and show not tell. That's what my Enlighs teachers always called it. Don't just tell us about her life show it somehow or consider switching point of view/adding in her thought so you don't have to tell the reader so much but her talk or thoughts can show that.

Formatting: Dialgoue, each new speaker is a new line, otherwise the reader gets confused, also nicely helps make chapters longer.You also don't need a tag (he said she said) after every line spoken unless it is hard to diferentiate speakers.

Nice blending of the parts...teh conversation with her parents before the break as a little flat but gets the suspense up. The writing with the thoughts thrown in is written nicely for Dallas, written a little better than the Nat stuff.

Again watch dialogue and show vs. tell. ANd if Dallas is an old firend wouldn't he know his way around the house, kind of at least?

Hope I dion't seem harsh or picky. I just am a super close reader and love editing/offering hints. It's the teacher in me. Your plot moves along nicely and you have fleshed out what may or may not happen...as well as relationshops between people. If you have any questions let me know. :)

On a random note, I love your chapter names! This was another sweet chapter, but you've got to keep the plot moving! Something else could have definitely occured in this chapter, I think, or maybe it's just that I'm craving more of this story...

I mean, I'm applying to four colleges this year, and even if I get rejected from a couple, I'll be okay since I don't really, truly love any of them (I do like them enough to apply though) But Natalia REALLY wanted to go there...Poor girl.

Phew, she's going to be okay. And Dallas is just so sweet...

On a technical note, you missed a noticeable amount of punctuation. For future reference, semi-colons connect two related sentences. For example:

“I can't stay during the day, Dad, I work too.” (Derek's line. A period or semi-colon might work between "Dad" and "I")

“I'm going to go back to work, We'll see you both later.” (Mr. Williams' line--Need a period here rather than a comma. I'm sure you meant to put that there but hit the wrong button)

"Dallas and Derek sat outside Natalia's room. Both united by their worries for Natalia." (Very sweet :D , but the period after "room" should probably be a comma. Otherwise everything after "both" is a fragment)

"She liked listening to his voice, it was soothing." (a semi-colon is needed between "voice" and "it")

Still, I loved their interaction in this chapter!

Oh my. She can't die! (That rhymed :D) Anyway, Dallas would be devastated! Of course, dying is rather extreme...

Yay. Two more chapters to read.

Aw! That's so sweet. Dallas is so sweet! I totally love Dallas all protective and everything. haha

Update soon!