Unlike the other reviewers, I think the format has a rather nice effect. It seems like the last word is emphasized. It adds more emotions to it.

'You tell me the sky's the limit

And then you

Laugh

Pushing my hand off the edge

Right before I

Grasp'

Best lines!

Your expressions are phrased well. I really like it.

Keep writing! ;)

I don't like the format here. I think your lines are way too disjointed. When you read it out loud there are way too many pauses with the line breaks I think.

The idea was interesting. I like how you can't tell who the person is who has these expectations. However, I think combining the not fulfilling the expectations and the religious things was a bit too much.

PS If you're bored this weekend check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile).

It depends on what one might be reaching for. I have found my goal and I hope everyone finds theirs as well. But they can only do so by being theirself. Anyhow, back to your poem, it is sad but well put together. Wonderfully done. Write on.

This is a very personal piece-it's laced with raw emotion.

"Pushing my hand off the edge right before I grasp anything that can save me." I really liked this part of the piece-the 'cliff' imagery here is very vivid.

"Doubtful that there’s really something to look forward to after I die." Wow. That's pretty heavy (in a good way).

"Because I’ll never reach them, will I? No." I like this angsty ending. :)

After reading the other reviews, I went back through it, but my opinion is unchanged. The only standard I believe should be set is that you should be you, and no other. everyone hopes for greatness from their child, but hope is not an expectation.

Hell, Alexander the Great's mom said she was birthing a god. not a crazy man who would try to conquer the world. :P

I found it interesting that you have your stanzas set up as to make arrows pointing down, and you mentioned "high and mighty" as a stark contrast. I don't particularly like this style of poetry, where the lines are / really sentences / but the author / just breaks them up and / calls it poetry. In most of the poems on this site, it gives the work a contrived feeling.

In regards to that, here it seems fitting given the tone of the speaker, and I found that even though most of your stanzas ended in enjambments, it still read choppy. And in this poem, I think choppy actually contributes to the mood, so it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Also I might suggest that if you're considering giving this poem a workover, it might be a good idea to edit the one-word stanzas to form a coherent sentence when read on their own. Example: instead of the first four: Meet?/Reach?/Laugh/Gasp perhaps it would read Reach/For?/Me/Please.

Overall, it's pretty good. The tone is edgy, and I def. like the title.

- ss

Dear, is this how you really feel?