"I remember his hands clearer than I remember the house." I like this opening line--it's both intriguing and impacting.

"Like an old woman crippled in birthing pains." Stunning simile.

"And the fence is electrifiable, and I am warned not to touch it, though I throw sticks at it hoping to see a spark, but nothing comes." I don't know what it is about this line, but there's something brilliant about it. It's ineffable. I like that. :D

"I remember my father saying that he could not wait to leave us." Jesus. What a heart-wrenching line.

Honestly, Juliet, your poetry just keeps getting better and better. Everything you write these days is amazing. :)

This feels very soft, almost like an illicit conversation between you and the reader. Which upon rethinking the subject, makes perfect sense...


(oops I stated the obvious..again..!)


I love how you communicate this sense of exclusivity though without it coming across as biased, on your part. "A yellow, hairless blur in someone else's eye" is my favourite line, it's very striking :)

Jack

Great imagery and pacing. So vivid.

the best things i have written have stemmed from the two words: i remember
i've never had the heart to publish them

this is a beautiful portrayal of childhood memories
it gives off a warm and sensual glow, like most memories do.
I appreciate every word here.

Wonderful.

-Lady

I love your description and your questions in this poem.

heartbreaking and beautiful, as always.
I loved the line about the age of a horse, and the one about her sister in utero.
I love the little details, the poignancy, it's absolutely breathtaking.

I love this, you have a great imagination and vocabulary (Y) and i particulary liked the word "Electrifiable" in your poem ...it's not a real word but i love how you've used it anyway (: i like how your stanza's got shorter when the poem ended.

Yes, this piece absorbed me like shifting sands and I couldn't untangle myself until the whole thing's been read and analyzed. The similes really are quite skillful. The daylight moon gave me the shivers, honestly. The descriptions are elegant, concise and yet incredibly rich. Now, the story itself is deep and thought-provoking though I must say I had to reread it a few times to catch the nuisances, the father-daughter relations. But still, it IS poetry and I think you did a brilliant job cramming a typically prose story into a few poetical stanzas. Poetry can really blow you away with its capability to create lush, breathtaking images through a maximally concise medium.

Hi, I'm not much of a poet meself so I can't say much about the technicalities. Your title caught my eye, the length of it really.

"And the
fence is electrifiable"

Not sure if electrifiable is a word. You may want to choose a different one.

"How the mountain loomed like a
daylight moon, sharp and snow-heavy
above us"

Brilliant, I like the comparison you picked here: daylight moon. I've never heard that before.

"I remember the bee’s ignoring me
(like they always do) when I got too near."

I don't think the parenthesis do this any justice. It would be fine without. They stand out too much and almost stamp out the original tone you have going.

"or corresponding with that women in the"

Assumin you mean "woman".

This was a very emotional poem, bleedin brilliant. Nice work.

Cheers,
Quint

you write with your heart and it's amazing how you can make poetry sound so beautiful.. wonderful piece!