"You are every strange noise uninvestigated." How creative. I like the idea here that the speaker find his lover curious and intriguing.

"You murder me." Indeed. Intense love definitely has that "annihilating" quality to it, doesn't it? ;)

Wow this is a great edit, it sounds more mature. The last stanza is my fave. :D

Love the ending line.

Slighty eerie, and very mysterious; love the descriptions, very lovely word choice, and I love how sweet the whole thingis and at the end "you murder me." Lovely work! :)

rolliepollie44

Nope, you were correct, it seemed I did miss chapter two!

I like this one too, but perhaps the original is still my favourite :)

You are my muse now that my heart

is in thirds,

- and I love that bit XD

You are

every strange noise

uninvestigated,

every impossibility so

little I let it go.

- love that :)

This is such an amazing piece with a very apt name :)

This makes me think of my old muse...*coughs* my ex *cough*...I love how the this whole poem is more positive and how the narrator enjoyes the stalking of the muse (if I can word it that way), but the last line is so dark and destructive it makes you wonder about how positive the muse is.

One suggestion:

"the breaking, buzzing, churning, yearning,"

I think would sound better as:

"the breaking, buzz, churn, yearn,"