Oh, wow. Um, yeah, that's some very nice imagary there, Laurie.
I LOVE IT. :D
By the way, I've got all the grammar corrections listed for you (not so many of them this time; seems to be less and less with each chapter ;] ) and shall be sending them in un momento ...

Wow. Graphic. But really good. This story is really interesting. I cant wait for the next update!!

Hm, let me see if I can fit it into my schedule ...
Nah, I'm just joking. I AM a little busy now (seems like I'm never NOT busy lately ... ), but of COURSE I shall find time to help you out with your grammar and typos, darling. :D I'll do as much of it as I can today, but I may just have to get it all done over the course of several days, 'kay? ;)

Hey cheese twin! ZIP! Well just letting you know when she says shes savoring the flavor she said "Just so she cold savor the flavor" cold needs to be could. Well thats my correction. I realkly like this chapter Laurie its amazing you describe stuff so well its just AMAZING!

ZIP


paco the talking taco

GASP! NOW I GET IT! ITS YOUR VAMPIRE STORY YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT! Otay i get it now i was a little confused and i started thinking about this one story i read last year Beowolf. But its not its your vampire story ah im excited for this one! UPDATE SOON!

cheeselover8271996

I really didnt expect the whole vampire thing. That was good. I really cant wait until the next chapter!

Oh, I like it. And I like the twins, even though it doesn't really seem like either one of them is a very pleasant person ... I don't know. There's just something about them that I really like so far. Maybe it's just because they seem so real.
I'm a little too busy to go and point out all the typos and grammar errors for you today, but if you want me to, I can go back and do it sometime over the weekend, okay?
For now ... happy writing ;]
Livvy

Not bad. Keep this up. I like the descriptions.

ah so this story is about vamps lolz wait.. i hope i didnt ruin that for anyone...

I really almost started clapping when I saw that you'd just posted a new suspense/supernatural story. And I was SO not disappointed - you did an awesome job with this. So wonderfully, spine-chillingly creepy. I really, really hope you write more, and SOON. :D
However, I do feel the need to correct some grammar. Usually, I refrain because your stories are just so good regardless of grammatical errors, but I simply cannot help myself anymore.
First: Just a typo here, I think - "... which was shinning like a piece of metal glinting of the sun". I do believe you meant "glinting OFF".
Second: "... and if the feet was barely touching the ground at all." Did you mean "as if"? And "feet were" or possibly "foot was"? The subject and verb must agree, remember. Disagreements are not pretty in grammar.
Third: "... not wanting her child to be scared anymore then she already was." Well, first, that should be "than", if you're comparing something or whatever, not "then", which is used to indicate a particular time in the past or future. Also, "anymore" here should be "any more", two words. Let's see, how does my dictionary put it ... "Anymore is an adverb. The two-word form any more refers to any unspecified additional amount.”
Hmm, well, that’s not the clearest it could possibly be put, but I hope it gets the point across ...
Fourth: “The large figure however seemed oblivious to this ...” Commas, darling, don’t forget the commas. “The large figure, however, seemed oblivious to this ...” Doesn’t that flow just a little bit better? ;]
Fifth: “The bloody body of Anne Eileen, a simple girl who didn’t use her head, laid on the edge of the streets ...” Should be: “The bloody body of Anne Eileen, a simple girl who didn’t use her head, LAY on the edge of the streets.” You see, this is something I’ve had pounded into my head countless times over the last thirteen years: either someone/something LIES, or someone/something LAYS someone/something else. I hope that makes sense.
Now, I do believe that’s it. Jeesh, have you ever noticed how this thing totally freaks out after about 10 characters? Strange, fickle little cretin of a website.
So, I hope this has helped you; I’m not an official beta reader - yet - but (if you don’t already have a beta reader) I can continue to help you out with grammar and spelling and whatnot if you’d like.
Update soon. :)
Livvy

Wow cheese twin that sounds really interesting and deadly and scary and whats with the name? Secertus how do you even pronuounce that?? well im excited to see how this story turns out it sounds REALLY GOOD!

that sure is suspenseful. I cant wait to read the next chapter! i know it will be great!