I like the repetition here, of rhymes and words alike, it reinforces the images and creates a sense of inevitability :)

the imagery is haunting and absouletly beautiful. i love what you've done here with the repetion and the rhyme. well done! write on!


also: shift+enter is how to undo the double spacing

I don't know why (of course, that's ironical), the very first thing I notice each time I read one of your poems are... the alliterations xD
You make such a frequent (but nevertheless brilliant) use of them... just like in line 3, with the 'wh' sounds that transcribe the sounds of whispers perfectly well.

"A dewy tear of peaceful lust, and the moon weeps for a lonely dream,"
This is probably my favorite line so far, in all of your poems. 'Lonely dream'... I really can't help myself but love such a wonderful image. That's the kind of 'impossible things' (how can a dream be lonely? Of course, it's the moon who's lonely, not the dream). I love to make all those 'impossible things' become real in my poems.

Even the title of the poem, Rusted Dream is really great. Using poetry to make the impossible come true... wonderful ^^ (reminds me of X Japan's song, called 'Rusty Nail'... well, never mind)

To finish, I'll say very general things, like : I love the imagery used in this poem, it's really well written... the words just flow so smoothly, it gives the impression it's a little river flowing peacefully under the light of the very moon you're describing. As if you were actually describing it's reflection on the surface of the water.

I can now distinguish some of the imagery and 'tools' which are 'characteristic' of your poetry (if you see what I mean... ^^"). I always like reccurent imagery in someone's poetry, like the french poet Bonnefoy.

Nice poem ^^

wow that was awesome!, you totally put my poem to shame haha! when i first read this I was like *sigh* It was beautiful and very well written...I like the flow of this, the rhythm and description you created was gentle yet sorrowful and the placid atmosphere you planted in my mind was just awesome lolz love it,
x0x0 Tiny

This is really pretty too. Your poems have such vivid imagery and you always use the right words. This poem seems in the vein of the Highwayman (I noticed that was one of your favorites, and it's one of mine too), I think anyways. Really nice :)

this was beautiful. Well-written. I love the imagery. :)

very powerful, and sad. i love it!

this first captured me with "the whisper white of whistles death" - just such an excellent image and so robust in meaning. your phrasing is well-balanced and your rhythm flows very nicely. I also very much liked "of ruby running light", and "tears set free old dreams". It is lovely to see someone use structure so well!

aw, it's a heartfelt story, it's as if she was being left.

"To the tarnished gold of rust." This line flows quite well and is full of vivid colour imagery.

"The whisper white of whistles death." Lovely 'w' alliteration. This line literally 'whistles' like the 'wind.' ;)

"The mist of moments." Oh God. I love this line. :D

"The mooen weeps for a lonely dream." That's both beautiful and sorrowful.

"The nightmare of a scream." Chilling description.

"A cherry-coloured lust." Cute. Sensual.

I loved "in the nightmare of a scream"
That conjured so many twisted dark images to my mind...

Lovely!

As usual, your poetry captivates the soul and stimulates the mind. "...the whisper white of whistles death." "Silent lace of falling tears..." "...a cherry coloured lust..." So many delightful lines to savor.

Wow, I usually don't review poetry since I'm not very good at it myself, but this poem is definitely something. So many images and emotions are rushing through my head right now, I simply don't know how to describe it exept breathtaking. The first paragraph is certainly my favourite, where you describe the moon as 'an angel face of ghostly white'. Oh, and now that I think about it the last paragraph is quite haunting too where you mention that 'though the mirror of her face, on rainy nights still weeps, She cannot forget, that her ruby train still sleeps.' Isn't that line the most beautiful thing you've ever heard?

Great work!

I can see your Teasdale influence! Good job!

Lovely! I am not sure I totally undestand it, but it is excellent! I get the feeling that the train tragically tore of the track and many were killed and maybe forgotten... and it happened at night and the moon is strangely evil and kind of like that woman on Sinbad... okay, this delving into meaning is making me love it all the more! I like all the contrast of words like "screeching metal screams" and "from old grace so fell"... The wolethigs is making me think of Ghost Ship when all those people were killed only to have it hapen all over again... I ike this view of the moon :)