I'd say it's another version of an old story, isn't it? Two best friends seperated by fate/lave/whatever and fighting on two different sides in a war...
But you managed to capture the atmosphere very well. The short (even partial) sentences convey a certain feeling of urge but also of a fragmented place... kind of like a collage, I guess. It's difficult to describe but it made a chill run down my spine. So, it definitely worked great. *thumbs up*