good descriptions!

Very nice! However, there is always room for improvement! Consider refraining from listing, more description, and maybe a less-obvious rhyme scheme! The general gist of the poem is excellent! Remember: Writing is, in it's own way, an art. Strive for creativity and pour out your heart. The rest will follow soon enough! It may seem a little rough at first, but it's all worth it in the long run!

guess who were the first two people to read this poem? :)

me and lauren.

yay.

this is awesome.

i liked this a lot, good description. maybe next time use a little more color in the descriptions, i think it helps out the image a lot. good job!