Lol, hehe, I like your writing style, it's really catchy and it's good. You write well and you have good control over your writing.

What you could improve on, is different sentence length. Just one paragraph for example: "His golden eyes landed on the giant pot of money spewing out of the exit slot of the lucky device. A grin made its way across his mouth, but then it disappeared as his gold-tinted eyes scanned the greedy and financially hungry crowd around him." You could have had the grin on a separate short sentence here so you don't have two long sentences with the same length. It keeps the reader on his toes.

You use dialogue really well so I can't comment on that.

Another thing I've noticed is that you overwrite a bit, like the "midnight blue dress", well, midnight is blue so you only need on of them.

HOpe I"ve helped.
Narq.

Haha, a very interesting story! I'm assuing this will be a multi-chap? I sure hope so =D

I loved the beginning - you built up a sense of mystery and intrigue, both through the surroundings you described, and by not letting the reader know too much about what was going on. That was very clever - you made me think of a lot of questions, and created a lot of curiosity.

I liked the combination of the actions of the woman and the sections where you had marcus's thoughts - they contrasted each other nicely - you executed that technique very well.

Some sections that stood out to me:
"The woman was so happy that night because she was twirling about in the playing room" - I think this felt a bit off because it didn't seem to fit with the mysterious aura I'd felt previously from that character.

"How long ago did he start doing this, was a question in his head." - the phrasing there just felt awkward to me.

"As he approached her, his heart started to simulate the fast heartbeat someone felt after running a marathon." Felt a bit too repetitive, especially because throughout that entire paragraph you used 'heart' a fair bit - perhaps try different wordchoice?

I noticed there were also a few tense issues here and there, where you suddenly switched to present tense - I feel like a hypocrite for saying this, since I'm terrible and do it too, but I figured I should mention it anyway, lol xD

I liked the mini theme of green that you associated with marcus - it added an extra element of interest and gave your character more depth.
Love the chemistry between the people - it felt very believable, and the cheekiness made me smile.
The ending was great - introducing a new character and finishing off with a cliffhanger was a really effective technique.

Great work, and I sincerely hope you keep writing! =)

-Bea, from the World Domination Forum (Link in the profile)