It reminds me of when I go somewhere thinking it will be all beautiful and inspiring... only to have the wind pick up and take my paper or road works to start and disrupt everything...

I like the sound progression in this. The questioning at the end really works to play on the potential fear. Well written. MD:77.

"This dog shit smell of a picnic area." I like this line. It's so refreshing and modern. It's blunt, yet crafty.

"I'll be fine, right?" Excellent ending. Powerful. Chilling.

you know, i liked this one a lot,
avant garde without going too far
over the border. i think you managed
to invoke a relatively pure/strong
feeling in the horror sort of suspense
department and that was nice. i guess
a lot of experimental pieces are about
personal taste, this one definitely
suited mine. i'd say the idea's worth
toying around with and refining.

I liked how these lines felt like they were repeating on themselves, yet they were not, you were just observing them differently then you were before. Nicely done.

I don't think I care for the ending: "Right? Right?" it feels off from the rest of the piece. I understand that you were going for that paranoid vibe, but the 'right? right?' just feels too normal and un-poetic to me. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.