|Reviews for an unfamiliar sea to drown in|
| flies.like.decay 10/7/09 . chapter 1
"We are vulnerable to ever becoming an us again."
My advice is not to focus on a direct rhyme. "Try/cry" rhyme, but so do the first syllables in "try/dial" (sorry, I know that isn't the greatest choice of words). But there are so many more options, so many more ways to express yourself when you stop trying to make everything exact.
Or you can do something really absurd like the Ramones did in the song "Chain Saw" when they manipulated the word "massacre" to rhyme with "me".
| RentBoheme 10/3/09 . chapter 1
Again, you wrote this really well. I like the whole "trampled" metaphor at the end.
Just a suggestion: try to write about something that isn't just about lost or unobtainable love.