beautiful

i can't even explain how beautiful this is, one of the best haikus i've read in a while.

I Love Lovers...
It says so much
and with so little.

Great Haiku

Beautiful Haikus. I love the imagery and how you put together images and stories in just a few words. I haven't heard of Prokofiev and Maillot, but after reading reading these, I'm definitely going to check them out.

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Corrections:

Lucien Postlewaite I:

{wishing I alone where the} I think "where" should be "were."

Carla Körbes I:

{mapped by nights end.} night's.

I got a distinct image of her heart being like a honeycomb, with him breathing THROUGH it. I don't know if this is what you were aiming for though.

I think the most important word here is "only". It really opens this whole thing up to scrutiny/consideration, or just pure speculation.


Well I'm not sure if I've reached the end here, or if you have more to come, but this was a fun 3 hours :D You've inspired me to attempt structured poetry, maybe even *shock horror* a haiku...

Jack

Oh now this has replaced "A Banquette" as my favourite of the piece, but oddly enough it feels like it doesn't belong here. Probably because I've not actually read up/witnessed the subject material you're basing this series on though.

I love the "ocean of fingers", how these strange little bones can create things as vast and dangerous as the oceans themselves. And the palms acting as boats, basically at the mercy of the fingers. It's a very unique way of describing the act of placing your palms together, too.

Hmm I find your fusion of the two pairs of concepts, both so similar on paper to one another, fascinating. The differences between sense of self and selfishness, strength and strength of will are so slight but so distinct, combining them here leads me very far away in thought.

This did baffle me a lot. I don't understand how you can "pluck" something "into" something, isn't it...from? I like how you hyphenate dove-tailing across two lines though, that gives a strong bond to them, mirroring the meaning of the word nicely.

Back on track again, I like how this also contributes to the gradual, to borrow one of your own words, crescendo of sound references in this collection. "Caricature" this makes me think that the whole performance was so dramatic that attempts at dramatising it via poetry creates a kind of beautiful cartoon, which is kind of a strange end result. Strange is good though.

I found this a little incomplete to be honest. So far the all-haiku format has felt perfectly appropriate for the subject of each piece, but I don't think the same of this one. It's pretty though. But what do I know eh, I suck at haikus hehe!

Jack

I like the use of the word "act" here, it makes a connection to the performance/musical theme so far. But also, in context, it's a beautiful way to describe something as basic as breathing, softening it into a noise. Or, I dunno, are sounds and noises the same thing? Noise sounds loud, sound just..well. It makes this woman seem vaporous and difficult to define, is what I mean.

Jack

Beautiful movement/description here, I can visualise these arms being hoisted up like a flag, helplessly.

"a kiss is but a gesture of sense" I found myself nodding when I read this, I love how simply you said it. It's even more ...complex? because of that.

That last line is very powerful. I love the qualities you give to abstract concepts...almost solidifying them, into not just tangible but edible things. It's something I find very inspiring, manipulation of the way words are supposed to work. This is my fave of the series (so far).

I like how you develop the musical theme in this one, it begins to form a "theme" for the series (or at least an expectation of a theme, but then again I have learned to be wary of you Juliet :P)

Am I vulgar to translate "a crescendo of weight in his hands" as masturbation? It kind of leads me to translate "Love making is a falsetto" as something alien to his true nature, as if sharing himself with another person leads him into heightening his personality in a way that will fit the song better.

Jack

It's fascinating how you transcend "ordinary" emotions in your writing. I really got a sense of grief with simultaneous desire in that final line, two (..qualities?) emotions I find it hard to imagine feeling, personally, at the same time.

I presume you mean "were" not "where" in line 2?

Jack