|Reviews for The Battle|
| S. Kimball 10/8/09 . chapter 1
Please note that while I write this review, I'm not trying to come off as being a jerk or hurt your feelings or anything of that nature. Criticism is necessary to improve, and that's all I am trying to help you do.
First off, this short story has some good potential. I see a fantastic story in the works here. However, there are a lot of things that could be improved.
The first thing is a few typos I noticed that interrupt the flow in this story. They were mostly just punctuation errors I saw; nothing too glaringly bad, but they were a nuisance nonetheless.
The story moved too quickly for me to comprehend anything. This is a problem I have as well to some extent, it's difficult to find the right rhythm and speed for your writing. However, this story simply went from point A to point B without much buildup. First the main character was in a camp, and then he was in a battle, and then he's dead. Give some background info and make the climax (the battle, where the story gets it's name) longer and more detailed.
I could have used some more descriptiveness. You didn't describe any of the characters and the areas the soldiers were in didn't create a mental image for me. Try to describe what the narrator looks like, other people's appearance, what the scenery is like, etc.
That's all for now. I'd like to reiterate that this review was written in the hopes of helping you improve, so please don't take my criticisms too harshly.