Yay, dark conspiracy! My favorite, but you already know that. xD

Hello, Magnolia Shards. This story is awesome and I'm only on chapter 3, well, no, yeah, chapter 3. I like it. It has a little bit of several of my favorite genres in here. Its awesome. You're an excellent writer.

And the plot thickens. Excellent job. I'm enjoying this story immensely.

The prologue did seem a bit vague, but I really like it! Looking forward to more!

Wow. I'm speechless. That was one of the best stories I've ever read on FictionPress. I'm so jealous of your ability to keep up with a cast of so many diverse characters. By far, the best. Brava!

Well, this is pretty good so far. I really like the descriptions you use, and your vocab choice is good as well. The plot is being driven quite well, and your characters are pretty realistic. There were only a couple grammar errors though, but nothing that can't be fixed.
I'm enjoying what you have written, and hope to see more soon. :)

Finally, a worthwhile story in the dredge of FictionPress.

I'm curious yet how this story falls in the the category of Fantasy. Right off, it has a more sci-fi feel to it. But that's not important, just an observation.

The only two things this story appears to suffer from, in my humble opinion, mind, is the tendency to infodump on the reader in the dialogue. The conversation about where Shay has been, why she feels the way she does, the fact experiments are being done--really, even if all that had been completely absent from this chapter, I wouldn't have missed it, and it still would have been a compelling chapter. Those details are things you can illustrate as the story progresses; you don't have to say it all upfront. Generally, people who are in such a moment of rushed tension like that aren't going to recap on what just happened and how/why/where it was done. They're going to be in a hurry to get down to business.

The second thing: the escape route could have used a little more thought. I'd put a lock on that vent, instead of just a few screws. Screws can be undone by a fingernail, a penny, a filed-down toothbrush, a _tooth_...anything small enough to fit in the grooves and long enough to give leverage. If they've been imprisoned for that long, they would have ample time to get creative without having to go steal the tool that was made for exactly the purpose of undoing a screw. They could have used a hundred other items to accomplish the same goal.

But those two nitpicks aside, and I do stress that they are nitpicks, I'm enjoying the mood of this story, and I especially like the juxtaposition of darkness and metal. That's one I haven't seen before.

I saw a few typos here and there, but nothing to complain about. Your grammar is decent and with one or two exceptions, the pacing is very good. I'll be interested to see where this goes.