Brutal freakin story. Reminds me of what went on in the streets when I was younger.

Hey! Responding to your PM,

I really liked this story. The characters are excellently portrayed and the style has a uninque comicbook-esque feel to it, like every paragraph is a new panel. At times, the description language gets a touch repetitive, but it makes me feel as though I'm in a different world.

I'm interested to see where this is going. Watch for minor grammar issues like writing "plumb" instead of "plump" and little things like that. Also, sometimes I get a little confused as to who is speaking and I have to backtrack to keep track of who has said what. Also, I would love to see more detailed choreography of the fight scenes, because I feel like we get a brief mention of the major action which would be really intersting if it just had another paragraph or two to really "show" what's happening.

I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Keep it up!

An interesting start for a story. Carry on.