Oh that was very good. Action and Drama just like you'd picture the West to be.

A quick tip would be in the middle of the page when you say: “I knew there was a reason not to like that clown-boy.” Upon arriving at the building, Leslie noticed...

You'd really want to start a new paragraph after the quote because it's dealing with two different subjects. You switched from a quote to a sentence telling us about where Leslie was going and what she saw.

Also, you mention the Chaser's father manages to tower over him even though he only has a one inch height difference. It gives the impression that Chaser is slightly scared of his father and tends to cower a bit when around him. I do think the sentence would be more forceful if you say "Leslie noticed that Fearless was only an inch taller than his son, and yet still appeared to tower over his sons form."

I also like the ending, but I'm nervous. You said 'knew' your parents. That gives the impression that Fearless and her parents had a falling out or that her parents are dead. I guess I'll have to read to find out! Update soon
!!

Very nice. The dialogue fits so perfectly the way that the woman address one another. But the princesses naivity could cause a problem later (or at least, that's the way I see it).

I don't have pointers to give you this time. Except that the episode with the horses is slightly confusing, but most people should be able to see what is happening.

I am still enjoying this story!! And Chaser seems nice. He's growing on me, lol. Update soon :)

Because it wouldn't post in my last chapter, I thought I'd let you know quickly. The sentence --“Get on, Les!” Leslie leaped onto the saddle as Ray darted into the same western direction. -- is amazing. You use vivid verbs and it creates a great tone in the story. Also, you use the word perplexed later on which is perfect for this era of your writing.

Chapter 3:

in the first paragraph, you really should italicie the word SALOON. Whenever you give a word a formal introduction, such as " with the word..." the word you are talking about should be italicized.

I was pleasantly surprised to find a cowboy in your fairy tale. Most fairy tales consist of princesses, princes, knights, kings, queens, dragons, and here in yours, we see a cowboy. Very unusual, but very refreshing!

The way he talks fits very well. Now, you're not concerned about era in his dialogue because he's western, and so you're trying to portray that feeling when he speaks. It's a bit challenging because now you have to focus on two different things. Making sure the princess speaks properly and elegantly, while the cowboy has a sort of ruggedness to him.

The fact of the princess going around telling everyone who she is shows that she is quite naive and trusting. Idk if that's what you are going for, but that's certainly what I'm picking up. Most people who want to run away don't give away their identity. Especially if there is a rival kingdom out there (which I'm presuming is a bit of a hoax, just because I like a good mystery and that's the way my brain goes, lol).

I like the part about the map and about her drinking coffee. It is humorous and the old couple sound sweet, but they have a playfulness about them which makes them lovable. I do sense a bit of a romance coming on between Chaser and Leslie, though. *raises eyebrows* should be interesting.

I look forward to another update. If you want, I can add a plug for you into the next update i do for HBD. Anyway, Good Job :)

Haha, ignore my last comment about speaking of the present time. I was not aware that you would mention it in the beginning here. Again, a good chapter. We see more of her character. "There is a fire in her, young grasshopper" lol, i just had to.

We see she has a fighter's spirit. A passion in her heart and a desire in her head. It still fits the protocol of a fairy tale perfectly. I like how the horse continues to go with her and support her. You see a stronger bond here, so again everything I said in the first review seems to be coming to place here.

I do have a few problems though:

"The sun was almost about to rise. The terrain was nothing but a vast desert with some dirt hills scattered. Ray was now at a walking pace and Leslie was trying to stay awake. Her coat was now inside the bag because the weather became warmer."

That is the first paragraph after the break, I want to break some of it down quickly.

The sun was almost about to rise. -> That sentence somehow doesn't fit the flow of everything else. The way I've seen you write, you can come up with much better imagery than that. Maybe something like : The sun was just peeking over the horizon, casting a faint shadow... blah blah blah, you get the idea. Make it more appealing for us to see. When you say it was almost about to rise, it's a double positive which isn't necessary. And it makes it seem like it's still very dark.

The terrain was nothing but a vast desert with some dirt hills scattered. -> Again, you could make that so much more appealing. Something like : A few mounds of dirt were scattered across the barren terrain. It gives it that "fairytale/romantic" feel and creates a better imagery for us as readers. You're definitely talented, so don't sell yourself short with choppy sentences. Pick words carefully because they make the sentences which make the paragraphs which make the pages which make the chapters which eventually create the story. (yeah, I know that's a lot to follow). But you see how important even the slightest detail becomes.

Ray was now at a walking pace and Leslie was trying to stay awake. -> Sentence works well. After riding all night, you would expect them to be tired, but this creates that sort of imagery I'm talking about.

Her coat was now inside the bag because the weather became warmer. -> I like this sentence, because it's informative. However, it just doesn't match the tone of the paragraph. You're busy describing what the characters look like IN their surroundings. Then you suddenly zoom in and talk about the characters themselves. It just doesn't fit.

Next little detail. The second line down, you say this :

“Mother and Father were the only ones who had a map. I figure if we find some civilization, we can get one.” > just doesn't fit the time you're writing in. Doesn't have that fairy tale feel to it. It seems a bit to modern. "I figure" is modern sland. Perhaps "I was hoping we could obtain one from someone else. That is, if we ever come into contact with civilization." (you don't have to use that btw). It gives a picture of desperation and fits the era a little better.

Scattered across as far as the eye can see was some plants that seemed dead. You really should have commas around 'as far as the eye can see' and then was really should be WERE considering we are talking about plants, and they are plural in form. And although seemed is a good word, I think appeared would be better in this era of your setting.

And on a final note :)

“Get on, Les!” Leslie leaped onto the saddle as Ray darted into the same western direction.

Wow, reading this honestly makes me feel as if I'm walking on air. It's very fluid and elegant. It has a very romantic (not in the lovey way, but in that era) and elegant feel to it. Almost as if the words were suspended in air and not on my computer screen.

You have portrayed the princess as a very delicate individual, and over time I hope to see a change in character. Not that anything is wrong with the character, but that you will develop her in the story. She will grow and mature.

I like Ray as well. When you begin to mention the horse, we see this strange bond they have for one another. It doesn't seem strong right now because we didn't see a lot of interaction, but we see they are looking out for one another. Her taking out his braids shows that she is kind and concerned and compassionate.

Paula doesn't strike us as evil yet, if that's what your intentino is. She seems more of a pain then anything else. A caretakes who let her sudden responsibility go to her head and make her a bit arrogant and overbearing. Still, we can see that there may be future conflict in that area.

You start this out as a regular fairy tale, and everyone loves a good fairytale. You even start with the classic "once upon a time" which takes us back to those days when our parents used to tell us stories of far away lands or of the classic movies we used to enjoy so much as little children. It's a very nice beginning. You might want to work on the time though. We know that her parents left to go negotiate with this other kingdom, what we don't know is how long ago that could have been. You might be able to work that in and just give a better picture of the exact circumstances.

I really do like this, and have no problem reading it. I love your style. Very fluid, and elegant. Almost as if you were the princess herself gently telling your story. I look forward to reading more :)