this chapter was awesome, you go girl

This story is awful! Just kidding. :) You know I love it, 'MiaTia'.

Hm. I like it. You're right, this is not average. A tad confusing, but I think I understand.

I'll say it again, this is very interesting. The "you" perspective adds even more fun to distinguish this story from a slew of other narratives. It can get a little dangerous, though, because the "you" might not act as "I" believe he/she should. I'll leave you to it, though, since you're doing a great job so far.

This story is really interesting! You're a great writer, and I hope you continue this again soon.

I'm really excited about this story. I think it's interesting to put it in the present tense because not a lot of people are willing to go there. You use great language like "you can hear him smiling" which is an fun sound to picture.

The only thing I'm not crazy about is the exposition dump as the background chapter at the beginning. Other than that, I'm ready for the next installment.

it is very good.