|Reviews for Breaking The Walled Game|
| Chesterfield 10/23/09 . chapter 2
OK, I'm liking what I see so far, so I'll definitely read more when I have the time. I think your writing abilities are very solid, especially if this really is your first published work. I have a few tips for you though.
I would like to see more "showing" in your work so you're not just telling me exactly what's happening. You use a lot of short and choppy sentences like this:
"A man wearing a jacket appeared. He was tall and muscular. His eyes were empty. He smiled sarcastically."
It really doesn't do anything for the story. Try to use more colorful language and advanced sentences so it's not so halting all the time. For example:
"A tall, muscular man emerged from the darkness, draped in a billowing trenchcoat with eyes which evoked no emotion, empty as a dry well. He flashed a sarcastic smile."
That was just on the fly, but you know what I mean.
As I said before, I'm looking forward to reading more so keep writing!