This is such a heartwrenching story. Jeremy is such a wonderful brother but I do wonder if he's going to come back. I think the dad will beat the Lily all the same just for the sake of hitting her and she might get increased beatings because dad's ** that a son has left.

All in all, I reckon this was a wonderfully done story and I think you can actually expand this into a longer story, like how the brother finds his feet in society, and how he comes back for Lily (if he does.)

Loved this!
Narq.

Here from Roadhouse

I didn't see any grammar problems-- I thought everythin flowed very well. The event that you created is very relatable and real, and I really liked that. You've totaly captures Lily's fear. I know the dad is taking his anger out of his kids, and he's just a really lonely guy so I feel sympathetic for both him and his kids.

Here's one of the things that I thought was kinda iffy "Those simple words stopped my thirteen year old heart in its tracks."-- Maybe you can introduce her age at a different way? because to me it just sounded odd (might just be me though). Overall, I really liked the intensity!

Wait, why is this story complete? No more chapters?? 0.0 Why?! And what's Nano? XD (sorry! Wah!)

Overall, excellent read and awesome job ^^

-P.S--if you have time, I would love to get a review for chapter 3 on my story! Plz and thanks!

-Agent

I think you captured Lily's fear really well in his piece. The whole scene was very gripping, and it definitely made me want to read more about these characters. Good luck for NaNo! :D

Oh goody. You're starting on a running novel here. I'm so happy. :) Anyway, I guess this one shot will be some kind of prelude to the story where Lily's past is concerned. Good work of angst here and Jeremy's conflict with his father seems so drama charged yet realistic. I truly hope to see a visible exposure on him as a character in the real deal and hopefully, their father's humane nature as well. There should always be areason behind every humane weakness you know. ;) Anyway, good work on the whole and I'll be looking forward to the main story soon. :) And finally so sorry for giving out such a short and lack of depth review. Hopefully I can come up with something decent in my future reviews. :)

P.S: Pay back this review via A Ranger's Tale since I've just updated it after a certain period of hiatus. :)

-From The Roadhouse. :)

I liked it. It had good emotional depth and it was beleiveable. I can guess that when the mother died things went downhill especially for the Father. Exactly what is a backstory challenge? Other than that a good one shot and I hope this review suffices. I really hope he does come back for her.

That was excellent! Very emotional. And you did a terrific job of staying in her 13 year old POV, you master of dialogue, you. Ok, so that sounds cheesy, but I mean it, nevertheless. Fabulous job! I look forward to reading the story after Nov. I'm so excited! :D