Uff... I think Audrey is taking advantage of the situation, and Donnie was confident about their relationship, even if it was no good...

Keep updating, I would like to know more. Thanks for this chapter.

Gr... I seriously want to scratch that girl's eyes out. If I were Donnie, I'd give her a black eye so fast she wouldn't see it coming... Ugh. I can't talk about that... You did capture Rae's attitude very well, though. My sister is pregnant and getting really hormonal and that's exactly how she can act so you captured it quite well. I know things have to get worse before they get better but this is gonna be a bit of a difficult one to read through for me since I've been in similar situations in the past.

Ugh, not liking Audrey right now at all and from the look of things, next chapter is going to start bringing in the drama...Can't wait to see what happens :P lol

I've got to say you've raised the bar with this chapter. It's really getting good. (And as a side note, if someone tried to make a move on my partner, I'd have them broken in six ways and left in the trash, just like I want to do to Audrey right now... >_

I hope this has a happy ending.

:[

I have to say that the bedroom scene at the end really cinches it in my mind exactly where they stand and how their relationship is and I love it! I can't wait for the next installment!

TK

Cool update, can't wait for the next.

"What could possibly go wrong?" lol. Exposition chapter is exposition, which nicely further set up Rae and Donnie's relationship and introduced Audrey into the story. Looking forward to seeing what happens next

This concept is so cute, and I can't to see the next chapter :D

Just reading the summary i wanted to read the whole thing unfortunately it's not all up. I love it it's great in till next time

Interesting so far. Typically not the kind of story I really like, but because its you, I'll give it a chance :P

Great first chapter! This story seems like its going to be a great one. I also like the character description. Cant wait to see where you take us with this story.

Oh no.

Cheating is involved.

:[

OK, here's what I think:
Storytelling: rad. good pacing. clear progression of actions. all that good stuff.
Grammar/spelling/stuff similar: flawless.
Your prose is solid, functional, gets the story told. Y'know. But there's nothing to really make it interesting. It's just recounting of actions plus these /descriptions/.
It's like you filled out a little form for them. And in between some moderately interesting dialogue & sweet lesbianness (for ONCE not played for the hotness or involving schoolgirls, MAJOR props for that!), you have these very formulaic hair/eyes/height/build paragraphs that appear every time a new character pops up. And the problem with that is that we don't need to know in-depth about the musculature of every single restaurant worker. Also, describing people is a great chance to really stretch your writing muscles and come up with creative, effective ways to describe people without resorting to banal personal details.

I sound like someone's TEACHER. Wowee zowee. But anyway, I suggest to keep on going. Definitely.