I really like this, just im not sure what the main characters name is?
"Her Fingers were raw and Bleeding" im not sure i understand this peice.

I like your plot for the story. It sounds good, but there’s something about the story which doesn’t flow. It seems a little disjointed in parts, so maybe you should throw in a little detail and explain more. Description would go well with the dialogue. I feel like your story doesn’t have a hook so far as such, but I guess a little editing will do the trick. You introduce the nurse as Skittish all of a sudden; maybe you’d want to say your character read it off the name tag or something like that. Your story is a little fast-paced maybe you should let the reader linger and enjoy the moment before something startling happens, you know? I really liked the beginning of this chapter where you describe Laguna’s fascination for fairytales and how she believed in them so much, and her brother is the complete opposite; but how he didn’t mind doing different voices for the characters. It emphasizes on how much he likes his sister. I enjoyed it, but there’s that something missing which has me at the edge of my seat wondering what will happen next. Overall, I think it’s an excellent idea for a story, you should edit and execute it better :)
- Zara Finch

Wow, i loved it! The beginning was great - the first word had me hooked. What was glowing? Why was it glowing? I love it when authors start like that, immediately capturing the reader's curiosity. You have a really good writing style! It's minimalistic and flows well - ideal for this day and age.

I giggled when he realized he had said the words from the story aloud.

The only problem I found with it was that the main character's first name wasn't mentioned? I'm not sure if that was intentional or not.

Thumbs up! this is really good, I hope you continue it :)

i liked this one but i think maybe if you expand it more, it would be awesome. and the reader would be able to engage him/herself for a moment there.