I do enjoy this. I would move the 'guidelines' to your profile and direct people there. Or you could put (1) or (2) and add notes at the bottom of the story to describe terminolody. It is kind of discouraging as the reader to have to click through the chapters to find the first one.

The voice of your main character is good. The way he thinks and talks showcases his personality. He does remind me a little Lestat, but not in a plagerized way. He is his own character. I think that characters make the story and he is definately a good character. :)

Nice names, also. It was a little confusing keeping track of everyone. Maybe you could introduce them seperately and give the reader something to picture. Just a thought.

Overall, enjoyed. :)

R.