So true. You have a way with words. Your writing has so much meaning.

It's awesome. It's deep, angsty; but not TOO angsty you want to slap the writer across the face and scream 'GET OVER YOURSELF!' (which may or may not happen very often with me... ;]) Anyway. It's COLOURFUL, and sad. And it works. My God, does it work. Some poems like this (-coughcough-mine-coughcough-) never work out. They're not flowing, or they really just don't make sense. But this! This! Is different. And brilliant. I wonder how your teacher changed it?

Wow... this is awesome, I'm not going to lie. The thing is that it's short, and yet it STILL gives you a great mental picture. And the shortness works - if it were much longer, it'd probably ruin the effect :) I really like how the last two lines rhyme - I've got no idea why, but I had to point that out :)

Anyway, great job! If I was your teacher, I'd take it how it is and just give you an A already! Why alter what's already so great? I will never understand the minds of certain teachers *sigh*

I hope this doesn't sound mean. Wow, You haven't written anything this 'deep' in awhile and it really, really caught my attention. I can visualize this scene in my head perfectly, although I'm sure it's not the same as what was in your minds eye. But still, I can See it, like I've not been able to in a while. Very good. Fin.