Oh *clap clap clap* great structure here - "honey lashes" this is lovely. Keep writing dear!

~Anna~ ^_^

I like the touch of death in this poem and how you make it a positive thought. Reminds me of Christina Rossetti.

I loved it! At the end, does that mean she dies? Sad! I loved it, beautiful as ALWAYS! :) Keep it up!

~Little Miss Cullen Cutie~

Love the beautiful sequin imagery :)

And the last line... sad! Since she is safe only in death...

An excellent compact blending of stark reality and poetic illusion. I especially like your use of mid-sentence rhymes: "Honey lashes shiver/And ruby sequins slither." "A myth of dark desire/A place a child screams higher,"

Beautiful. Loved it, so sad.

Oh my goodness... she died, didnt she!

I LOVED the line "A myth of dark desire, that makes a candle cry"
That's beautiful and makes me want to write a story about enchantresses. :)

Kimberly is super awesomly talented.

*hugs*

The first line of this poem is really nice, with a nice 'opposition' between dawn/twilight.
The second line is very interesting, especially the first half (before the caesura):

it can both be read as:
1) she both closes tears and hopes
2) she just closes tears, and then begin to hope
I'm not sure which reading is the correct one, but I still like the structural ambiguity of this sentence ^^

And you did a nice thing with 'that pain fade away', which rhyme with 'twilight day', and provides us with a nice comparison between twilight (the 'progressive' end of the day), and the pain fading away (the 'progressive' end of pain).

You also created a great image with 'that makes a candle cry'. A candle crying would mean that the only source of light in the darkness of the 'dark myth' is no more.

The last two sentences are also very interesting, as it directly remind us of the two first one.
Yet, there is something paradoxical in those two lines, as the girl goes to sleep as 'dawn enfolds here sweetly'. Indeed, you generally go to sleep during the night, not when the sun is rising.

I also liked this part 'And as dawn enfolds her sweetly',as sunshine is nicely compared to honey (cf. 'enfolds her sweetly').

I could also say something about the word 'dead' in the very first line, and 'eternal... sleep' we find in the very last line. Indeed, even though 'sleep' really happens at the end of the day (cf: the end of the poem), it happens at dawn, which we find both at the beginning and the end of the poem. The boundary between the beginning and the end are blurred, just like they are when the girl go 'to sleep' at dawn.

*
Well, that was also a (very) nice poem. However, I have a slight feeling my 'review' of this one is, sometimes, a little far-fetched... but that's also what's nice with poetry, if it's well written, there's always a lot of different interpretations.

(I think I'll stop here for this poem xD).
Thanks for sharing that poem with us :)

Beautiful. A lovely poem.