interesting but god its an overpopulated genrea, try you're hand at some real literature as good as that story could be, it would never be epic.

This isn't bad at all. You did a lot of good things, but I see some room for improvement as well.

Your imagery and evoking emotions was well done. I could see everything, or at least, my interpretation of it. It was surreal in a realistic way. I enjoyed that part immensely.

You did some good storytelling in a short time as well. You gave a big part of this unnamed man's past and part of what made him his present self in, what, less than 700 words? That's a skill many don't have.

The major thing that could use some improving is the flow. At some bits, the writing seems a bit forced, and for lack of a better word unnatural. It's almost like you were trying a little bit too hard to step out of your comfort zone as far as writing goes. This wasn't a huge thing, I didn't need to reread anything, but it did interrupt your overall story.

Excellent piece overall.