 tiger002 2009-11-04 . chapter 1Not really sure how formal of an essay this is supposed to be, so I might be going a little overboad here.
You want to have some sort of thesis to bring your points together. You also lack organization for your three body paragraphs. You want a specific point for each one and eliberate and focus on that there.
Hope I could help, but honestly english isn't my best subject. |