Well, finally. Actual Jew!slash. Mazel tov to you.

Will continue to review as I go. Is it inappropriate [sic] to ask if you're a fellow Jew?

Liked this one...i think miah needs another tattoo ..:)

NAHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :'D

Oh my fucking God, I just noticed your hat. o.o
And I fucking love it.
Awesome story, too. I was ready to die with Nehemiah.
-DJ

An excellent story. I can really see you improve over the course of the novel. Towards the end your pictorial tendencies come into full flower, and your carefully restrained style and elliptical scene plotting both become more pronounced. All of these are very good things. I think your characters are fairly well filled out. Ariel and Nehemiah are complex, dynamic characters that you have a good psychological grasp of. I like your focus on the entire family; it added a sense of roundness and community, although sometimes I felt like we were taking unnecessary detours (like with Bashe's past with Lizzy).

After reading so many stories on Fiction Press where we are made to feel all the suffering of a character, I can't tell you how good it feels to have a powerful and convincing plot of healing and reconciliation.

Um... The first time ariel said he loved nehemiah, Nehemiah said it back. I think.

That was an odd ending; that part with the family was strange... I don't really understand what happened there.

But I really liked your characters, they were so real. You didn't even have to describe them that much; your whole writing shaped them and showed who they were without having to say it so bluntly.

...a romantic comedy about a serial killer?...

If I had anything to say about this chapter, it has gone because that notion completely floored me.

"does it could if you figure out how to solve a problem you've been having?"

Other mistakes I've noticed didn't matter, but I couldn't figure out what this one's meant to say..

LOL what an idiot..why is he asking his GAY foster parents if they care he's gay?

Aww cute, he's afraid of thunderstorms.. I want to hug him now

I like Nehemiah..it's stupid but I always like the troubled, angsty one. Until they start hurting people.

Is ariel whiny? I didn't really notice...I just think he should break up with that douchebag.

Yay! Friends again :)

I didn't like Jackson on his and ariel's date and I think I like him less now. /:

He's being a dick..

Dark. Pale. Skinny. Bony.

He'd stand with his whole body turning inward, a scowl on his face because he's scared and wants to scare people away. Maybe because he wants to make them scared too. His face is drawn and his mouth turns down. He could be pretty if he wasn't so overwhelmingly sad. His head stays down and he has scars. His hands stay in his pockets or across his stomach-protective.

Oh, shit.

Um, you slept gouache wrong. Like gauche.

Or maybe that's me being an idiot because I'm only spelling it how you say it.

Damn...they were being kinda friendly and now they're annoyed at each other again..

Not gonna lie, this story's kinda confusing. I'm trying to figure out how it will fit into the bigger picture. Maybe because I'm not seeing cliche plots and characters so I don't actually know what's going to happen... Actually that's probably it.

Hmm. I think I understand a bit better why ariel hates graveyards.

Why isn't Nehemiah being a douche any more? Why was he mean before?