|Reviews for Absolute Zero|
| anti-climax 11/9/09 . chapter 2
Wasn't there a character named Tohika Mai in some anime? I seem to recall that name for some particular reason...
Next question: when is the royal rumble going to start haha? Or are you going to tell me that she disappeared because she was already asked to join the tournament or something?
In any case, I've always enjoyed your action scenes but I do miss the ice-cold version of Hideto... About Mai, please don't kill her off like you did several of your previous female characters? She seems interesting, although there must be something going around in FP since so many of us write about fire mages and ice mages of differing genders working somewhat closely together! P
| Frayling0 11/8/09 . chapter 2
Great chapter! The explanation at the start helped to set the scene. I liked the dialogue; you made it sound pretty natural and realistic. Enough happened to hook me, so I can't wait to see what happens next. You had some interesting characters, so great work! Luke
| Eytha 11/7/09 . chapter 1
I actually don't have a great deal to really say for this story, because I thought you did a fine job here. There were a few minor errors here or there, but everything in the story was very well constructed. I think you did an excellent job with this character wise as well as story flow and timing. So most of what I have to say is pretty minor things that end up being something of a more personal level rather than anything wrong on a technical level.
As I said I noticed a couple a minors, but the one that I wanted to point out was a line of dialogue from Hideto saying "That caused a bomb!" The context made me feel like you were wanting to say the jacket was expensive since there was no mention of the jacket exploding. So I wanted to let you know about that.
This as I said is something more of a personal thing, so you can ignore it as will. I felt the dialogue that explained what was happening to the individual was a little out of place for them to saying. It seemed like one would be more cursing their situation rather than describing it. However, that said, it happens all of the time in manga and anime that characters describe what is happening to them. So it all fits in perfectly for the genre, but I've always felt it was a little strange. If you were going for that then you're spot on and doing fine.
I noticed that you used latter quite commonly as a replacement for saying who it was. It felt like you were trying to find another word without repeating yourself, but it felt like it was breaking the flow of the writing you had going. You have a very strong flow and rhythm in the story and it almost seemed a little out of place with the style that you have going. You did not do anything technically wrong, but finding a more direct way of saying who is getting hurt or attacked would keep the flow going smoothly. I know the difference in the words but I still have to double check myself at times and so other readers might have the same problem. Being able to understand without re-reading or confirming something allows the flow to move smoothly.
The only other thing of critique I have is that what you have written is a very solid episode, but its stand alone almost. Everything apart from some questions about why the main character has such powers is resolved. It felt a little too neatly tied up for the story only to be just beginning. I think you are wanting to use the main character as the driving interest for the reason to continuing reading, but having a few more mysteries left at the end would help to draw the readers back for the next chapter/episode.
Everything else is just my personal thoughts on what I read nothing to with any errors or mistakes. This is me just talking about what I liked and found interesting in the story.
I found it very interesting how you painted a normal seeming picture of a world. Everything feels like you're going for a modern setting and then you add in magic. I was actually little surprised by that fact. The summary did not mention it at all so you had me curious to see where you were going with it. It's difficult to tell right now if everyone has magic or not and it was just a coincidence that the bosses both did. I always enjoy see everyone's take on magic since I have a different view on it than the norm.
Hideto is certainly a curious individual being an assassin and still caring about those that are callously killed. It makes you wonder if it the youth or something else that allows him to have those feelings for complete strangers. But I guess the hero of the story can't be empty inside to others.
I will say that I found the power he has with his eyes to be a very interesting twist. Though I can't help but feel it is also a little cheap to have such a powerful ability. Given the fight he had it seems like he prefers not to use it, but he's not above using it either. It is the one thing that makes me wonder how that will be played out in the course of the story.
Well I don't have anymore to add. I understand it is long, but it is actually pretty short compared to my other reviews. I really enjoyed the story. I hope you take my comments in the helpful spirit that they were given. Sorry for the length.
| Frayling0 11/5/09 . chapter 1
Wow I loved this - very unique idea! :D I can't wait for more. Luke
| anti-climax 11/4/09 . chapter 1
My first thought is that this is very shounen, with the good guy typically getting trashed around until he reveals some inner strength or new power haha.
Anyway, good to see the badass return, though he does seem to have a lot of morality if compared to the ice-cool Fujimotos of past versions. Hey, I just had a thought-what if I feature him in Parallel sometime? P
| AngrySojiroT 11/4/09 . chapter 1
Great first chapter, i'll be waiting for more!