i'm sorry but this has no plot at all but it could be improved on just go back add some detail and weve in a plot it works even if you do have to lay it down for a while. i did this to one of mine {not out yet} and it turned out so much better homestly try it speeking from experiance don't be discouraged this will work it just takes some effort and the right mood.
trust me this could work
awanida

This was not what I expected at all. It seemed to have no plot (apart from two girls looking for a room), loads of mistakes and nothing interesting actually happened. The descriptions were weak and the story-telling was actually bad. I know it is for children but my little sister or brother would not read this. Sorry if I sounded harsh but I'm just telling you my opinion.