Oh man! What an awesome beginning! At first I was wondering who he was in the beginning - but then the ending line was like a huge BANG! to end the entire thing. :D AWesomez!

Nice short story. You can almost feel the emotions of the characters. 7/10 stars.

Oh, this is good!
Nice descriptions, and you expressed the emotions well.
I like how there's no quotation marks.
(It should be 'someone shouted' by the way.)
The short sentences are also good. They are simple yet effective.
I really enjoyed this. Good job! ;)