No, i think this chapter i quite good...you slowed it dow a bit, sowed feelings twords the end...and ok, it could use a bit of fixing but you made me smile, and made up my day, it was sweet...:) update soon =D

this story is quite good..at first i did not know what to expect, although i loved your writin style the story was going a bit too slow, now i think you are taking it a bit too fast...i love the way you write, its quite unique and interesting, but i tink you need to find a bit of balance into how fast or slow you are going.
=) i cant wait for more, i hope you will update soon...=)

OH GOD. You know how I said I wanted Brian and Jason to get it on soon? Scratch that. Develop this thing with Daniel! What a deliciously evil plot-twist... I mean, it can't end well for these two, surely? And it's probably gonna get Jason all jealous and hot under the collar... BWAHAHAHAHAA.

Yes, I get quite into stories. I apologise.

I really love this type of story... great job! Brian is a character that I love, and I know people who act like Jason. And then, Daniel acts like my roleplay character... good job on making the people seem like real people! I love Brian... :3


This story rocks!

I actually burst out laughing reading the airport scene...mainly because you've apparently managed to capture my OWN mental family perfectly!
Great stuff so far, though. Loving the constant, yet casual, character development.
Personally, I think you should have Jason come and surprise Brian at his home... Get some naughty antics going.
(I swear, I have an innocent, clean mind. Pahahaha.)

WRITE MORE. Because I want to read more :]

*creeps out of shadows*
i really like your story so far. the scene with his family in the airport was hilarious. it was really easy to picture and when i did i couldnt stop laughing (which is bad cus its 2AM here and my parents room is right next to mine) anyway, i am a lurker but i do keep up with stories so even if i dont comment you know you still have at least one reader. :)
*slinks back to the shadows*

This is great so far! It feels like it will be a lot of fun- there's a lot of places the concept can go. Can't wait to read more!