|Reviews for Danse On Wood|
| Drips of Blue-Green Turpentine 7/30/11 . chapter 2
Okay, so I hate werewolf stories, personally, but you got me a bit hooked. It seems obvious that she will end up with the asshole (or maybe that is just me having the whole character loves the asshole thing) and I enjoy it, but the only REAL pet peeve I have an issue with is your homophones. No/know You can't interchange them. It's my biggest pet peeve, so you should watch those. Otherwise, I did like how you had her not discovered at first, that's key, having people out and out discovered is so much a movie thing, but then you had her discovered in the cupboard.. did he smell her? So, yes, this is interesting, it has made me want to read it. Hopefully you'll review my stories Jewels, Assholes, and Marriage. also, please post a new chapter soon, it's really good.
| Drips of Blue-Green Turpentine 7/30/11 . chapter 1
From the Road House.
So, this is interesting. I mostly wanted to read this from your complaining about people not returning reviews et parce que je parle français, et c'est français dans la titre. Anyway.
So, I didn't exactly want to read it at first, thought it was anothing annoying preppy girl who has everything going abroad, (I never read the genre and it always surprises me when I am looking at a sup. book :D) So you got me hooked the second you mentioned there being weird things going on, how everyone was different, how she couldn't take things down, and stuff. It's the little things that set it apart. I really liked how everyone was like mini-versions, I assume you have a reason. Soo, that was interesting. I'll be reading the 2nd chap, so I'll tell you what story to review then, after I've left a better review on that chapter :D.
| berley 9/16/10 . chapter 1
It’s nice to see a supernatural story that is not Twilight-ish. Like, it’s really nice to see. Haha. I have only read one chapter so far, so it is hard to tell where you are going with this story, but the end of this chapter definitely was interesting. I also like that you are writing it in English style, I am Canadian so it is nice to see colour, and blonde spelt the way I spell it. Haha. I would just suggest re reading this chapter for grammatical errors and typos again, because it seems like you have a lot of them.
Just a few technical things I noticed while reading:
“Compared to her tropical, hot warmth in California, this place was like an ice cube.”
-I could just be nit picky today, but I personally wouldn’t describe California as tropical. Maybe hot and dry? A place like Hawaii or Miami would be tropical, but not California. Just a suggestion.
- I am assuming that is suppose to be lot?
“it reminded her of the film harry potters Hogwarts.”
- Harry Potter should be capitalized, and that part of the sentence doesn’t really make sense. Maybe something like “it reminded her of Hogwarts from Harry Potter.”?
A lot is two words. A common mistake a lot of people make. haha
''Oh I won't get lonely, I promise you that,'' He laughed, knowing full well his self, that he wouldn't.
- since that is all one complete sentence, he doesn’t have to be capitalized. I’ve seen that mistake a few times in your dialog, again a common error.
''And your American to, this just gets better and better…”
- It’s too, not to. Sorry! That’s a grammar error that really bugs me. Haha.
''Your not allowed to take anything down with you,'' Dakota said.
- You’re, not your.
This review was brought to you by The Roadhouse.
| Darvia 9/9/10 . chapter 2
Oh wow, I actully didn't think I would like this story, but it turs out that I like it a lot. I love the way you describe things. I had never heard anyone describe the sky as white chocolate. It made me smile though.
Keep up the great work.
| Anna Cate 3/16/10 . chapter 1
I like it, it's not completely cliche. Let's face it, a lot of "supernatural" stories are the same formula as Twilight, and this is not. It could go that way if you don't watch it, though.
| Tegh 2/2/10 . chapter 1
I sincerely apologize for the lapse on my part in reviewing this, and due to that lapse I will continue on for a bit and you have no worries! Anyway, I appreciate the post on the forum (Writers R Us). It wasn't finished quiet yet, and to be honest I had forgot about it for a bit which explains why it took me so bloody long.
I like to review chapter by chapter because it allows me to get a bit more in depth. This was a good opening scene but there are a few areas I noticed that could either be expanded or touched up a bit. Though I know no one likes to start with character detail, there are many ways to go about to give the reader a better grasp of the character while still capturing attention. You started with a drive through England, so throw in little bits of character detail with the scenery detail.
For example: Compared to her tropical, hot warmth in California, this place was like an ice cube. A fact made even more evident due to the small crack in the window that allowed the breeze to ripple through Paris' blonde hair and causing her small frame (or other build ect.) to gently shudder.
It makes the description a bit more subtle, but ties the character into the readers mind off the bat so they can better call up the image while reading the rest.
You did well with work the way the character thought and felt with the situations, so the emotional level of the character was well build. The scenery descriptions seemed to be off and on, a bit to much here a bit too little there, but nothing major.
A few grammar mistakes I found were the usage of the words "a lot" you combine them in to one word...one of which was misspelled as well...when it should be two words with that usage. As far as the English terms I'm not overly familiar so a few of the sentences I thought were odd may just be from that format.
All-in-all a good opener with a decent amount of intrigue to help the reader's desire to continue reading. I wouldn't use pop culture references such as ipods/Harry Potter, especially with this style, but that's just one of my major rules when writing, since it's best to appeal to readers (here's hoping) for eternity. Aside from my little jibes, (I'm a bastard o a reviewer lol, sorry), it seems like a very interesting concept and I look forward to going through more!
| Anthony Tesla 1/22/10 . chapter 1
I like the story: I'm not really into the supernatural stuff, but I found it enjoyable and well written: the dialogues felt realistic and natural, and away from what you could consider "cliche" (let's be honest here, most of "supernatural" stories are just bad twlight rip-off's)
In other words, something fresh in a little over-exploited genre. Well done.
| Katerzzz 12/3/09 . chapter 1
Hey Thanks for reviewing Jack's London, sorry if I'm the little bugger that hasn't been returning reviews, its just loads of schoolwork has suddenly surfaced from the deep.
Anyway, I really liked the first chapters, very very good description and also I like the story-line, looking forward to seeing what you come up with next...;D
| MysticGypsyGirl 12/1/09 . chapter 1
Oh, very interesting first chapter! It gave away a little bit of information (not too little to be confusing), but enough to spur mystery in the reader. I can’t wait to find out what happens next; great job!
| Fay Diablo 12/1/09 . chapter 1
Urm...I wrote this review for chapter one, which isn't here right now, so...Just apply this to the first chapter, yeah?
This is decent- I noticed a lot of sentence fragments, which really only work if you have a statement to make with them. In this case, you really only use them to describe what's happening or what someone's doing.
There are spelling and grammar issues all over the place, so maybe you should look at what you write a little more closely- be ruthless with yourself.
Also, I'm not complaining or anything, just pointing out- Paris does have a lot of markers to make a Mary-Sue. I'm not saying she is one, but the whole 'her parents don't want her' seems like kind of a ploy for sympathy that might just turn some people off. Also, her name is fine- but having her think while she's saying her name how "oddly different" it is kind of bizarre. For one thing, isn't "oddly different" kind of redundant? Plus, Paris isn't that "oddly different" of a name- especially considering that Hilton chick and the fact that people tend to name their children after pop culture icons...
I like the idea- it does seem a little familiar (a boarding school full of “gifted” people- but the right writer could turn into something really cool, and it seems like it has potential- but it's a really rough, and could do with a lot of editing...
| Raingypsy 11/29/09 . chapter 1
Hey. I really enjoyed it.
Good Work :)
| Aspiemor 11/29/09 . chapter 1
Decided to check this out as you mentioned werewolves in the summary. Lately I have been reading a lot of lycanthrope and vampire stories on this site so I decide to check this out. do oyu ind or would you rather I pay back via another of your stories? It was a good start but I notcied some mistakes. I think Wizard of Oz should be capitalized. Other than that nothign more ot say than it was good. Made sense to me.
| solitaryAce 11/29/09 . chapter 2
Ok the whole thing with the skinny guy turning into a werewolf, i have to know more.. lol why is it a secret?.. but yea will wait for the update, and i still don't like Ace and his "out of bed look" loll,.. im just a hater I guess.
ohh yea and not to sound like an ass or anything but i did notice quite a bit of grammatical errors but im sure "MS word" could fix most of it.. and u spelled "idiot" wrong.. :)
| solitaryAce 11/29/09 . chapter 1
ok i clicked on chapter 1 but its chapter 3 in the story, started reading it from here and im liking it so far, really want to get the whole intro to the story as to what Paris is doing in a school with werewolves.. lol.. really nice descriptions btw, i really envisioned the garden that she went to outside. dont like Ace too much, seems like a gay boy. loll j/k.
| Classy Broad 11/26/09 . chapter 2
Hm People are writing about werewolves these days... hehe...Anyways ignore that, And I'm sorry If it took long for me to review back,... Alright!:
Hmm interesting story..,
Some spelling mistakes i noticed: "To her luck there not human, no there werewolves." (shouldn't it be?: "To her luck they're not humans, they're werewolves")
I wonder how things will end up with poor Paris... I'm assuming Dakota isn't a werewolf but she sounds pretty hyper I'm guessing Sade is gonna be Paris' rival or some villain... O, and I find your description about the school about how they all look alike... It sounds pretty... creepy...
I'll review the next chappie as soon as I can!