|Reviews for An Inner Goddess|
| lili999 5/26/10 . chapter 1
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| Melody-kun 5/19/10 . chapter 2
Good so far! Not really seeing any plot advancement, though it's probably because this is the first chapter. Good grammer and flowing sentences. One thing, the very first seems like a run-on. Other than that, good job!
| Melody-kun 5/19/10 . chapter 1
Very creative way to start a story! You're the first person I've seen to do that! I can tell each line has been crafted to perfection. Very mysterious and luring!
| BlaznFangurl 5/18/10 . chapter 3
Ah well i like everything here, the only thing that seems strange is that she alks pretty well for a two tear old, I mena aren't two year olds really smalla nd barely know how to walk and stuff yet alone talk :/ Maybe I just dont know kids...
:) I love all your names, they are so cute and asiany sounding :D
Lol, I feel you, playign around with he hot best friend and squealing teenage assoscates, it is all just ugh sometimes :)
Great chappy Hun :) Blazn, paying ya back :)
| Vernelley 5/17/10 . chapter 2
I think you've done a pretty good job here so far. Your writing isn't so bad, but I guess it's good to revise it just in case. The plot seems interesting too.
| Adam the poet 5/16/10 . chapter 1
Griping prologue, very nice job. Why are you rewriting this? It's good to read. See you in the future
Adam from the roadhouse
| KryssiHollie 5/13/10 . chapter 3
I love it! Love it! Love it! For example the, "Insert gagging here." and "Insert sigh here." made me laugh SO much! On top of that I love Kiyomi's attitude, and Eiko's happiness and...love the characters. They just like...came to life! :D
P.S. Can you read my writings? . Thanks.
| JMEM1 5/12/10 . chapter 3
Another very good chapter. :) I do sense that Kiyomi and Taro will become an "item", but I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
:P Eiko is adorable. She's so boy-crazy (or more specifically, Masaru-crazy) it's very endearing. I've known my fair-share of boy-crazy girls, sometimes they can be a tad annoying, but you've managed to create a very lovable boy-crazed girl.
One thing I'm going to suggest is maybe to "simplify" young Kiyomi's language a bit. In the flashback, I mean. It just seemed that she was very advanced in speaking for a two-year old. Maybe my opinion isn't exactly valid, as I have no siblings or relatives more than a month younger than me, and can't exactly tell from experience, but she just appeared to be speaking a bit too fluently for her age. Also, you could also spell what she says, how she says it. For example: You mentioned that she pronounced "remember" as "remembah". You could just write "remembah" in the dialogue itself, I think readers would understand what she's saying. :)
Again, great job! Looking forward to the next chapter! :D
| JMEM1 5/12/10 . chapter 2
Oh Math. Curse Math. I quite agree with your characters' opinions on Math in this chapter :P . Loved that parody of "Party in the USA" I might have to remember it on my next Math test. :D
Loved the light-hearted mood in this chapter, while still maintaining a dark undertone. That vision definitely meant something important, and I'm very interested in finding out. :)
Just one thing you might want to watch is keeping constant tense, I noticed a couple of times where there was present tense instead of past. Nothing big, but you might just want to watch for it. :)
| JMEM1 5/12/10 . chapter 1
This was a different kind of beginning, almost like a whole bunch of summaries drawn into one big prologue, it was really cool to read. I liked the mysteriousness and vagueness of the prologue, while still making it clear what is about to occur and how important it is.
Great job! :D
| KatriAdriah 5/11/10 . chapter 3
Love it! This seems like it will be a great story line, and I love the pace its going at- not too fast, not too slow. Keep it up! hope to be reading a new chapter soon. :3
| dbz 77 5/10/10 . chapter 2
I can tell this takes place in Japan. Could you be more specific about the city?
The description is detailed, a positive.
| dbz 77 4/22/10 . chapter 1
This is an interesting way to begin a story.
| Kobra Kid 4/2/10 . chapter 3
Aw that was so cute at the end! I wish I had a guy best friend like that T.T. I have lots of guy friends, but NONE like Taro!
anyways, great job! I liked all of the new descriptions & the flashback was excellently done. Seriously, awesome revision! Keep up the great work!
P.S. Could you please payback via Uprising? I just updated. :)
| RetardedChicken 4/2/10 . chapter 4
Brilliant so far dude, I like your writing style. The dialogue is also written really well. The parts in italics work really well and I like all the characters so far. Awesome stuff dude.