Wow, I really like this! You are an amazing writer. I'd love to see more of your poetry. Also, I think this has real potential as a song. :)

Nice

Wow, I love the last line. It's beautiful. Very cool. This poem was very beautifully written and I see that a lot of thought has been put into the words. Good job. I compliment you. You have done well with this poem. It flows along nicely.