AWESOME!

WOAH. HOLY CRAP. This is pretty... eh, hardcore.

It was just haunting, cleverly written so I wasn't quite sure what was happening, precisely. The blood: the mother's? Or the kid's? I think the mother's, though I'm not sure.

"... eternally affix a body so frail onto a pedestal upon where the stars could kiss her brow" That was some GREAT writing. Really evocative.

"... life force of youth, they clung to the skin like a lover's caress." Just... beautiful. The juxtaposition was wonderful.

Haunting, beautiful, just... breathtaking. All the right words in all the right places. :]

well that sucked

WOW.

This is uh...just...wow. I'm speechless.

The way you told the emotions being felt was awesome. Really awesome.

You have good descriptions and excellent imagery.

Though this may be haunting and a bit sorrowful, it's a beautiful piece.

I want to read more from you because this is really well-written.

Keep it up.

- . . Amethyst Penn. :)

There's something very poignant about this piece. There are just several emotions in there that will endlessly prick you.

The word choice is also very beautiful.

Oh, wow. I really did not expect something like this from the summary. This is so dark and rather disturbing, but at the same time the writing is absolutely beautiful. You have some great, haunting imagery and metaphors. One of my favorite lines was "they clung to the skin like a lover's caress." Just... amazing! You have excellent word choice and flow. I wish I could give some constructive criticism about this, but it's so absolutely lovely that I can't think of a thing to change. I just noticed a couple of very minor typos, like: "through ,and" which should be "through, and." And the last sentence shouldn't have a semi-colon; a semi-colon indicates a split between two complete sentences, and the second part isn't a full sentence on its own.

Anyway, really all I can say about this is that I am very impressed. This seems like some very polished, pretty, professional work, and I'm excited to read more of your stories. I'll be trying to pay you back as soon as possible, although things are a little hectic for me because of the holidays!

I had fun imagining and picturing the mother and her child with delightful and macabre twists. This was definitely a unique piece. My favorite part was the "Mama, life me up high." and the paragraph that followed.

I really enjoyed this, it has inspired me to draw or paint something of this. Thank you for sharing.

my gosh i loved the pattern here was perfect the mild repition leading to worse and worse things I simply filled with dread.

Wow... This was an incredibly well-written and dark piece. I absolutely loved it! It was tragic and hauntingly beautiful. I loved the pattern and repetition of it all and I thought the ending was absolutely chilling. Great job!

wow that was somethin' different lol. i love how she can do everything except for the 1 that means the most. obviously that makes this excerpt work lol.

awesome job!

FIRST OFF WELCOME TO THE ROADHOUSE.

Aww what a beautiful told story. Im guessing the mom was dead and the dauhter or son or whatever was like descrbing how much they loved their Mom which was really heartbreaking but lovely at the same time. You showed passion and creativity in this work of art. I really liked the short story.

-K. .