|Reviews for Gray Wings|
| darkershadeofpale 6/2/11 . chapter 1
I am procrastinating and hence reading more.
I love how this exudes a sort of desperation for a certain kind of freedom, and how its a series of pieces that stand on their own as well as together, which (to me) is different and I quite like it.
Not too keen on the formatting - but it's probably more to do with the fact that I don't like centre-aligned things as a rule, most of the time.
And it's broken up just a little too much, which creates too much of a jerk from line to line. (for my taste, at least).
That is all.
. darker shade of pale
| lookingwest 10/3/10 . chapter 1
Read in any set of three? I'm not sure how I can read in *any* set of three since it would leave one out in the beginning or end. Since you want it read in sets of three concerning the lines, you should just use stanzas to separate them, help your reader out a bit. I also am not sure why it's centered, but I'm sure you did have a purpose because I know you usually format it left justified. Also, this seems to be without periods, but you use commas and you use capitalization. Since you're doing that, I'm thinking maybe you made a conscious decision not to use periods? But then I don't think that was a good decision because it leaves the reader trying to fit everything in one breath, and then it doesn't even end with finality of a period. Overall it's your decision of course, but I'd go back and read this aloud just to get the correct rhythm of where to take a full breath stop.
You know, I don't feel that this is in the "general" category of genre. I feel like this is more fantastical in nature, and perhaps would belong elsewhere, but I like this branching out of genre into something more imagined and created. The subject of this gray-winged beast was unique, I felt myself picturing a sort of dragon, or even a dinosaur from a more prehistoric time. The focus of wishing to be like those "titans of earth" was a good way to say that everyone usually ascends to be something greater and avoid storms, and in that sense it was a very relatable message for sure.
I liked the lines like "those graceful arcs" because it managed to paint a picture for me. You could have gone further with describing more of these majestic creatures, but at the same time the focus on the wings is what's important because it's so closely tied to metaphor. I'm glad the creature with the wings was more gargoyle-esque than angel. That put a creative spin on the usual wishing for wings / wishing to be bigger and better someday motif.
| Moon Ribbons 2/19/10 . chapter 1
his is really a good poem, but I'm thinking that capitalization might be a good idea.
| Negasi 12/31/09 . chapter 1
I get the feeling that in the end you want to rise above the storms, ascend into the heavens or what may you have up there, and that the weather no longer affects you. Sustained is such a nice choice of word.
| steffxnie 12/26/09 . chapter 1
Nice piece of writing. Keep up the good work!