Hmm this was alright we don't now what your character looks like, also for a character there ha to be something special like a major quirk or flaw in personality that's makes them realistic and I'm trying super hard not to be rude but send your characters through the mary-sue litmus test because she's starting to sound a tas sue-ish... not trying to be rude ;; SanjiandSerea.

P.S the more original the flaw the better.

Holy crap! They want to KILL her just because she has the power of the enemy? aofjiaojfakljfa;! That makes me so furious! I wanted to slap him xD

Anyways, you did a great job at developing the characters. The only suggestion I have is like last chapter, a little more description of the characters. That's all though!

Keep up the good work!

-B. Cross

P.S. Could you please payback via RFTA? Thanks!

I like the whole idea of this dimensional portal. Awesome addition to the story! :D. I really like Hoshi's character, and can't wait to see how he develops.

["Is it… safe?" It looked very weird.] Just one suggestion. How did it look weird? You could elaborate on this, since there isn't a lot of description in your story. Descriptions help the reader imagine the story more, and I think describing the portal would be a good thing.

Besides that, excellent job!

-B. Cross

P.S. Could you please payback via RFTA? Thanks!

Oh wow, poor Hoshi! T.T His own father banished him b/c he didn't want to kill people? What a jerk! It's like Zuko's father from Avatar! Urgh, good job on this! I enjoyed it!

-B. Cross from the GF

P.S. Could you please payback these 2 reviews via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks! (I'm new to this forum btw. Just in case you where wondering who the heck I am x3)

Oh wow, great beginning! I like the shock of the whole situation and the character's thoughts. Onto the next chapter!

-B. Cross

Hello, there! I'm your newest reader! I've been enjoying this story from chapter 1 and I can honestly say that it's become one of my favorite stories here on . I think you are an amazing writer! Thank you for such a great story and I hope to see more awesome work from you in the future. Take care! _

This is a pretty good introduction.

Content-wise, it's great! You really build up this mysterious girl's character, making her seem innocent and normal, but hinting at more of a personality to her. And then the end is such a shock and leaves so many questions.

You also leave a good amount of mystery about the narrator. Who is he or she? who is Megumi? Why are they being targeted? All these things are making me want to read on.

The thing that's not quite sitting well with me is the structure. The way you use "she" at the beginning of every paragraph makes it feel choppy. it might have worked in a longer chapter, but with something so short, it just prevented a flow from being established.

Regardless, I'm interested to see where this goes!

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i odn tno waht to say((

it was really good but a aburpt ending...or beginning but it was still really goodDD

ek. things sound bad

woha is the study buddy the enemy? ek

aww meegumi is nice)) sora is horible i rally don tlike her

thats horrible( poor boy . i hate his parents the dad is harsh

she's really blunt lol

oh sieza? I wonder if he is good or bad?

his powerful htough

the twins are AWESOME. haha

i wonder...hm i hope they all get alongDD

Aww horrible siblings much?

her father is rather strict...i bet she is like some peic powerful personDD

I ownder what will happen to her