Maybe AZ really does care...

jennedy

I can't believe Aaron's giving up and not rebelling against AZ. It's a little bit out of character.

jennedy

Well, knowing Aaron, his fun will probably not happen. :( Poor guy. Oh well. We know he's going to be a psychopath anyway.

jennedy

Wow. Ok. Um, I feel kind of stupid now, because I'd always assumed that Angelina was alive.

...

jennedy

This chapter was, to be quite frank, dull. I don't really see the significance.

jennedy

Chapters like this are the chapters that make it extremely hard to like Aaron. Not because he's a criminal or whatever. Because he's awful to his family.

jennedy

This is starting to make me sad. Aaron, killing. Yuck. :( I think it would be ironic if Dustin came back totally messed up and went berserk.

jennedy

"I said nothing." Who says that? If someone asked you what you just said, you wouldn't say "I said nothing," even if you WERE lying. Just FYI. Kids talking like that makes me go "Ew. That's not a real kid. The author must be having ideas about the way kids these days really speak." Of course, you're probably not "having ideas," but I'm sure your poetic writer's speech got the better of you.

Also, ideas: Whatever the heck happened to Dustin? One minute, he and Aaron were BFF's, the next he was kidnapped, the next Aaron totally forgot him and became friends with Dawson. ?

Also. I am about to bust at the seams. I still don't know WHAT IS GOING ON. And yes, IT IS IRRITATING.

Just FYI.

Keep writing,

jennedy

Well done. :) Love love love the story. Just... well its going somewhere, finally. But i'd love to see you build up the reader's sympathy for Aaron. In the Vivie series he seems really... sad. Now he just seems like a guy with a difficult life, but not tragic enough. He's just a whiny little kid. He also sld b more mature, cos he's SUPPOSED 2 be mature 4 his age rite? Just make him more... lovable.

Also, some of the dialogue is too random and frivolous. VERY frivolous. It doesn't NEED a re-write, but u could do much better.

Other than that, good going. :)

No... Underage drinking AND robbery in the same chapter... Cruel, cruel destiny.

jennedy

More tension. DO SOMETING WITH IT. Also, Aaron is getting really paranoid. It's strange.

jennedy

'not exactly'? what does that mean?

Well then. Aaron needs to be a killer! This will be interesting. I'm still wondering why.

jennedy

I'm starting to get confused. Aaron is randomly going to AZ and from AZ. Ah!

jennedy

Interesting. But seriously, what do his parents think about this? Are they brainwashed, too?

jennedy