Argh! Another frustrating ending, promising the revelation for later... Keep on reading.

Kudos for your portrayal of the footman, by the way. That was a nice one.

A good but frustrating chapter. Things happening, but no real explanation at the end...

Then, I’m going to read on rather than spend time trying to make a real review. Just a note that not only the action, but also the discussion between Ethan and Diana was nice.

Typo alert:

too much peace and quite

You mean *quiet*?

For the rest, this chapter is more information gathering than anything. It didn’t do much for me. But I suppose it can prepare more striking events, and a novel needs those kind of passages?

And Larkfield looks more and more like the villain in this story...

Oh and nice trick with the phonetic spelling. I had to pause and say it out loud several time before I could remember Mark Birling.

Mrs Stansted grinned as the coach jolted forward into the street, tipping Juliet back into her seat. "I don't care how much society loves you, Ellie, you are as deceitful as I am."

"Yes," Lady Tonbridge mused, "and I am worried, Diana, that that is the reason we get on so well."

Loved that exchange!

I still find Diana very mysterious, here, but on the other hand, I find Juliet refusal to play with her quite frustrating! If someone is not going to be shocked by Juliet’s admission of what she feels like, it’s going to be her. She would make a good ally against Larkfield.

You’ve asked for opinions of Mr Birling, so here is my opinion: I’d think of him as a nice guy.

He clearly knows it’s not proper of Juliet to be there, but he doesn’t push her away. He lets her choose.

Same thing about his reaction to her proposal about billiard. He could have used the opportunity, used her being naïve. Or be defensive about her, wondering why she would set him up. While he just made what it would entail clear. I didn’t read it like a dismissal, but as he once again asked her to think about what she wanted.

I don’t think the almost-sex scene was cliché. After being promised rape by Larkfield, I find it normal that Juliet wouldn’t be ready so easily.

On the other hand, style-wise, the “her inner exploration of her own desire came into contact with the growing evidence of his” was a bit too flowery for me. It nearly made me laugh, which I don’t think was your aim. A bit more directness in that description would have worked better for me.

Now, I’m almost as confused as Juliet, but I think I had a fair idea of where the battling couple was going before she did. Wouldn’t the heroine have guessed before I? I can understand the situation would look very strange to someone as sheltered as she was, but at the same time, she’s got a very vivid imagination and plenty of novels for references.

On the other hand, I like how you ground us into the situation my mixing the description with Juliet’s reactions. It’s a nice way to give us an intimate look at other characters without abandoning your narrator.

The insight about Ana having a weak side was nice, too.

It was a gaze that should have come with a hug and a warm drink.

Love that line!

she was satisfied enough to pass out. Again.

Lol. I like the mix of seriousness with the touch of humour.

This chapter was interesting. There are many characters there, some more benevolent than some others, but there’s something interesting in the way they interact and end in the same house. The Dowager seems to be a person with many faces, and I’m happy we’ll get to see more of her. The interaction between Mrs Stansted and Lady Tonbridge, characters so dissimilar, is another nice point. I’d like to see how much the later represses to seem so perfect. Maybe we’ll see some of it later?

It’s not that short. It might be, on word count, but there’s plenty happening there, so it’s a satisfying chapter.

I haven’t much to say, couldn’t find a typo or another problem... I’ll go to the next chapter.

Typo alert:

Larkfield bowed and he looked obscenely pleased with himself. Lady Wrotham, now no one, least of all you, can doubt my intentions. I will speak to your uncle about a wedding date and I can assure you that our wedding night will be one to remember."

I think you forgot the opening quote here.

Apart from that, this chapter was a nice read. It feels good to see Juliet starting to become more assertive, and the build-up from the first part makes it seem quite realistic. The flash-back about her previous freedom with her father too.

I also liked the reminders about the beating. The way you keep the pain present without making too much of it is very reminiscent of the feeling in real life.

I’m not sure about Larkfield. I mean, I like learning more about him. At first, he was just a standard uptight, and most of the feeling could be due to Juliet disliking being betrothed. Now, we know more about him, what a jerk, or even a villain, he is. But doesn’t that make him a bit too close to a caricature? Wouldn’t the story be more interesting if he was one of the good guys, but with the prejudices of his culture?

Anyway, it’s your plot, and I’m hooked now. I’ll keep reading.

Yay, I get to read A Little Light Gothic!

"Juliet found Diana in the garden. The other woman was similarly..." You know, this is a subtle thing, but so far I've always seen Juliet as a girl. In the modern sense (ie., not a child, but a young woman who is still youthful in spirit) she is, but of course, she is a woman. I wonder what Juliet's perception of these definitions would be. But this opening sentence-and-a-half quietly underlines her sense of adulthood, and I feel it's put gentle emphasis on a change in her.

So has the fact that she's just casually referred to Diana by her first name. OK, so she did it in her mind, in her abstract perception, but I wonder how much this, too, signifies a change in Jules?

"...attired in her nightgown and shawl with her hair hanging loosely to her shoulders. Her cheeks were pale, and her bottom lip worked slowly as she bit it in distraction." Pretty image here. And... it melds into this revealing of the idea that Ana is in distress. So now I'm definitely hooked in...

""I couldn't sleep," Diana admitted..." I'm not getting very far very quickly in this review, so far :P Sorry about that. But the word 'admitted' signifies another change, here. Either that Diana now sees Juliet as someone she might need to make admissions to (and for the self-consciously powerful Diana, an admission isn't something she would make lightly), or the nature of the comment as an 'admittance' is more to do with Juliet's perception. But either way, Jules' position in the pecking order compared with Diana seems to be higher.

"She could catch the perfume of a new lover woven into Diana's hair and resting gently on her skin. It was a familiar scent and Juliet smiled with recognition." Again, very pretty. And Juliet recognises the new lover by his scent. I get the impression this is a revelation she/you are going to reveal later on. But not now - you've both got more pressing things to talk and think about.

""You tell me. You are out here too." Diana replied with a huff. Her back straightened defensively as she realised she had just been caught out." Heh! Good old Diana. So the obsession with distance and heirarchy isn't so far under the surface, then.

But then... she is canine, after all. Why would she not be irked at being caught out?

"…and Mark are going to form part of an official delegation, and yet you speak more sense than both of them put together." Nicely played, Jules. Nicely played.

"Juliet had hung shamelessly over the rail, her chin rested on her hands and watched without interruption." This... I really quite like this bit. The fact that she didn't interrupt (I notice she doesn't say that she didn't *feel* like interrupting, just that she didn't *do* it) doesn't feel quite in-character. Probably because normally you'd tell us what she wanted to do, what her feelings and thoughts were rather than her actions. But it feels like a progression in her character. And the shamelessly hanging over the rails has a mark of the dog about it. The way a dog will just rest its body, draping over a sofa or whatever. A little part of her newly-canid character is filtering through, here, and again: I like it.

Also there are echoes here of a character who is naturally curious... but content. Or as content as she can ever be.

Nice. Very nice.

"Diana uncrossed her arms and pushing at the empty air with her palms took her muscles to their extremes before she relaxed back into herself." At this point I realised I'm enjoying this scene. It's one of those you write that takes its time and is so atmospheric you feel like you're there. You've a talent for infusing a mood into your scenes.

"Diana let her hands fall away and shrugged off her shawl. "Time to play," she decided." Hmm?

Wow! Beautiful transformations. But what is dominant here is the mood they're both in. The supernatural quality of what is happening here comes second place to the humanity of it.

"When she opened her eyes again the ground was closer, the scents were keener." The sensations that this evokes are almost like stepping down into a swimming pool. Gentle, but suddenly everything feels very different.

The ending here is so atmospheric and soothing. I know I keep using the word, but... beautiful.

Thank you! I really enjoyed this entire story.

- From We Return Reviews.

Return to a story I had forgotten I was reading, sorry! (yes, I'm still only at chapter 7, but I hope to get more reading time this summer)

I like the early tone of the conversation, with all the unsaid, and the toast to "freedom". In my view, that self-admission could be a pivotal moment for your character.

I like how the fight starts. The dynamic of how having another male step in makes it worse seems very realistic to me. (to the point that I was planning a fight with the same kind of dynamics in a cyberpunk setting!)

I also like how Juliet is not suddenly changed, and still dislikes Mrs Stansted "masculinity". Quite realistic too.

Now, I need to read more to see if I understood the end correctly... (and if Juliet caught on!)

Interesting story, and quite intriguing. Although Juliet's timidness is annoying at times, the other characters are interesting enough to keep me coming back for more. Then there is her dreams and the ring.

Amazing, brilliant, and absolutely spectacular. This was beautifully written and I love your characters. It is so refreshing to find something so well done and with such a well laid out plot, especially with all the other types of fantasy stories around. Your story has kept me up to the late hours of the night reading and absolutely speechless. You deserve every review you get.

“It was bottomless, even with their words to leak through the minutes” – brilliant line. (june feels like that actually)

What happens when eyes go from dark to light straight away?

“He gave both Juliet and her nightdress a, covetous look.” Misplaced comma there methinks.

“Without something to fight against what would I do?" – er, a lot. Sigh. He has no imagination.

Is Gideon’s silence strategic?

I do like the relationship between Juliet and Larkfield now, her strength that was always pushed down before is coming out full force and she is able to glower at him to his face, like she always wanted. So, despite the bad situation, the chains, the soldiers, the imminent death, it’s a victory!

“Julietg snarled” – typo

Wow, her threat...scary.

“Still, nothing appeared to be moving in its depths.” – suspense...brilliant description up until now.

Go Diana! She has more balls than all those men.

“maybe we will take a limb each and simply pull." – lol.

“He declared loudly.” I think Larkfield is getting spooked and trying to compensate.

“The aperitif you sent us with the bad manners.(?) No I did not do him” maybe...it could go either way.

The action is written at a perfect pace, just the right amount of confusion and understanding. My heart did a little leap when the wolves come out. Hehe. But where is Gideon?

Yay for Mark the Wolf!

I wish I could see how they transform, “swirl of colour and space” sounds a bit like nightcrawler from xmen. Which is cool, mostly transformations are messy bone cracking affairs, I like the magic of this type.

Speaking of cracking bones, what a way to kill larkfield. How utterly macho and cool!

“heroine's” - sp

“Juliet held her breath because although Mr Birling must (have) be(en) aware of her watching, he didn't acknowledge her.”

"What can I say?" He wheezed. "It's a skill."- haha, he’s always so funny.

There he is! Didn’t Gideon get shot?

I like the start...i would like to read something about how it felt to be bagged though. The darkness, the heat of her own breath and the build up of CO2 and the subsequent woozy feeling...?

“he heroine wouldn't have thrown her hero's offer back in his face and ruined any chance of him pursuing her.” – wouldn’t she? Isn’t that what hero do? Overcome rejection by saving the day?

“His clammy fingers” –I detest clammy hands almost as much as bad breath. Ew.

I have to feel for poor Juliet. It just keeps getting worse and worse, passed from one strong person to another, at least she is fighting back, however feeble the attempt. I must commend her effort. But good on you for writing it, far more believable that any other option I can think of for her.

How does she know they are tunnels? Does she hear the footsteps echo or what? I wouldn’t normally fuss about it, it is 3rd person but it’s been an introspective chapter so far.

“His breath was a steady, irritated stream through his nose” – irritated stream?

“Her head shot up although it wouldn't make a difference.” – mixed tenses. Shot up didn’t make a difference.

Larkfield...I could positively growl with anger!

-

Striped - sp

Oh, isolation...the quickest way to madness.

“It sounded like people were coming, but they never got closer.” Brilliant. I can imagine what that did for her nerves.

I like this new Juliet, she is smarter, braver and less feeble, even when the situation expects her to be.

“It was a weak little thing fluttering vainly against the confines of the bag.” For a moment I thought that the bag had been removed.

“I also know you." – how can he recognise her with the bag on her head?

“After some persuasion he told her how her father had died.” – aw, man. that’s tear worthy that is.