Ah, McD as a storehouse for hard knocks... I think having a Krispy Cream would have been just as funny. haha I remember Chris Rock joking about how the doughnuts were so good, they most likely had crack in them.

Can't wait to read more!

Hmm... very interesting. I like how you set up this chapter. I thought at first Whitney was some sort of undercover cop, so it was interesting to figure out she was an anti-capitalist robber. Heh.

I see the underlying theme of your entire story developing, but as it is just the second chapter, I'll wait for more to come to light. :D

Hey Nick!

Yeah, I FINALLY got around to reading some of your other stuff. Heh. Been busy with my own stuff this entire summer. :D

Anyways, pretty interesting beginning. I liked how you centered the entire chapter on the "Oakland is going to shit" premise. The bit at the end with Tyler turning out after all to be a dealer was funny in its ironic way. Your writing has definitely improved since "Deryck vs. the Emo" but there are still some grammatical errors every few paragraphs. Still, definitely an improvement.

I'll be slowly reading the rest of the chapters you have so far. I'm pretty impressed you've put so much detail about Oakland since I had the feeling you're around the East Coast area? Yeah, anyways, I hope you continue writing and I can't wait to see what you have in store for the other chapters.

-trustnme

So, I must say that the past couple of chapters have been good. It's really cool that you're expanding more on the secondary characters (Bones, etc), giving it more definition.

Yeah...good job. Only issue I can think of, and it was the same with Deryck vs The Emo, is typos and some minor structural things (not always starting a new paragraph when someone speaks)...but you don't do it often so I think it's just a typo-thing.

Good job! Update soon?

The past five chapters were really good. Everything from the interviews to Eve's intro (which kinda made me wanna be sick. Good job.) was well-written and seemed really realistic. A story like this, written by a lesser author who couldn't handle the idea, would probably really suck-but your writing style makes it work. Good job, update soon?

“Does this face look not serious to you?” Tyler asked, his face knotted up in a wrinkled scowl that closer resembled constipation that seriousness.

Lol

the whole interview had me laughing til my sides hurt

I had to smile the entire time I was reading this. I adore your style. I'm honestly disappointed that I only have enough time to read the first chapter of this at the moment, but since I'm off for Mardi Gras, I can guarantee I'll read the rest within a week.

Honestly, I have nothing to complain about. Tyler is a very well-rounded character from the start. I wondered if there ought to be a little more description of the landscape, but honestly it's not suffering either way - entirely your judgment call. There are a few typos, I noticed, but I'm sure if you go through and read sometime, you'll catch em on your own.

You're definitely going in the favorites.

I like it. I've probably read Deryck vs. The Emo, like, eight or so times, so I was pretty psyched to see another story by you. Update soon?

last chapter, gold, for the shear fact of the last 10 or so lines hahaha small tits hahahaha

Whitney working with Tyler? that will be interesting

bought time, my only critisism which i spelled wrong and dont care, is that the last chapters ending was way to fucking predictable dude, seriously. other then that, its gold. finish this fucking one

I love this story, please continue.

The characters are good, and the writings amazing.

I like it so far. Different from all the other stuff on this site. Can't wait for the next chapter :)