I think that this is one very beautiful story!

Beep-beep beep-beep beep-beep beep-SMASH! There goes another alarm clock.

-Nice attention grabber, I liked it because it was relatable, I freakin' hate getting up in the morning!

It’s seven-thirty in the morning and- CRAP, I have work in half an hour. {Insert expletives here while I run around like a madman getting ready}.

-Not sure that I liked that bracket use, I think you should at least just use parentheses instead. Or even get rid of the bracket's all together.

So I kick him in the shin, which hurts the foot even more but he stops laughing.

-kicking someone in the shin seemed a little sudden...especially if all he does is stop laughing. I don't feel like it's exactly realistic but I suppose it does add a little of characterization to the way that Mireille interacts with other characters.

He’d told me that I loved him really. I told him I loved him like the gum I had stuck on my shoe.

-Nice bit of personality coming through here, but I feel the first sentence was a little hard to understand. He'd told her that she loved him? I think that's what you're trying to say...I'd edit it: He told me I loved him. And maybe put italic emphasis on the "he" and "me".

“Ahh,” she says knowingly.

-Make sure your adverbs describe your noun. So edit as: she knowingly says.

The joyous voice of Jason sings as he comes skipping into the office with his umbrella (down, not up).

-:D Funny

I feel like the whole bit about dividing the night into separate parts is unnecessary and breaks up the flow. I think you can segway into hours passing by just saying "The next time I looked at the clock it was 2 AM and Violet fell asleep..." or something of that nature.

I like Violet's character though, she adds some fun comic relief. I also liked that you created a little conflict and also forced character development by getting your characters stuck on a lift. I also liked how at the end you put emphasis on the different voice inflictions when Mireille is realizing Alex likes her, and I like it because it's something I haven't seen before and was kind of poetic in an interesting way. I think you set up a pretty good story and it sounds like you know exactly what you want to do with it!

CUUTE

nice names _

Aww, this was really cute :) It brightened my crappy day :)

this was so sweet! is it a one-shot? if not, please update soon! It was so quirky and funny! And I loved Violet! :)

When I read the summary I immediately thought it would be cliche and played out, but instead I was greeted by this very well written piece. I must say you write like someone beyond your age. Kudos.