this looks, quite frankly, EPIC! XD

i really want to read more :D

Wonderful, hilarious and totally original.

I hope you plan to continue this story because it is amazing and I can't wait to hear about how Priscilla becomes "Dark Queen of Maldeveria". And now that there is a tracker after for she has her first foe to overcome! A little girl in a yellow dress with a horse named Precious on a quest to become an evil ruler! *rubs hands together gleefully* I love it!

"Yes, well he's the only one who mentioned anything that's really flat, but this isn't flat.

-Edit: needs an end quotation

Loved the bit about the flowers in Priscilla's hair, that was a pretty creative detail!

...not sounding frightened at all.

-Edit: I'd suggest just omitting the "at all"

...which was not what Priscilla had been expecting at all.

-Edit: same as above

I also like the theme of names and their significance. And I can also keep track of all of them too-which is just great, as I have problems some times with picking names back up again with who's who-but not with your story!

Oh wow, good luck with the Query letters and everything! I've never been able to work up enough courage to do that. I've done plenty of research on it though! Where did you find your publishing agencies to submit them too? Are you just looking for an agent or are you doing it without an agent-and did you use Writer's Market? That's very exciting, I know the rejections will suck if you get them but keep trying-don't give up!

But back to the story :D Loved the interactions with the princess, I did see it coming with them running into each other, but then you surprised me with her dream of becoming an Architect and how that panned out-that was cool. I like this new character addition and hope they stick it out for a while together! Always handy to have a good architect on tap!

"I'm not planning on attack them!"

-Edit: "attacking"

"We've had traders through who've been to Sheraga," Koray said. "The

Duke there is insane. They said he appointed his dog the head of the army."

-Edit: "Duke" should be in the same line as "The"

Each time you completely take my expectations in a whole new direction. I was really surprised by the way you introduced Charlie and how his conversation progressed. The way that you sort of describe the way he talks in Priscilla's perspective was very creative too. I love that you're able to describe these things, and even give Charlie a personality of talking too much. Every time I read I'm like, "How is she possibly going to make this plot work?" and you always go beyond expectation, XD. I would never be able to do this sort of thing!

Loved this whole princess thing too, you're taking it again to a whole new level. Per usual your writing style was extremely easy to get into. I did nominate Priscilla for the Evil Mastermind award for this season's La Campanella awards but we'll see if it makes the nomination list-I sure hope so, as I find this story so easy to read and get back into after pauses of not reading it for awhile.

No, the names are cool. Priscilla rocks.

the have a lot of gold by now

They not the

Good chapter!

This is a good chapter. I think that it's good that they don't think that they're kids. That they all think that they are tough bad asses. I wonder if Charlie could be a little more unpredictable and difficult to manage than he is at present, but that's probably comeing in a few chapters.

At some point, Pricilla should try smokeing. I think it would fit well with her whole "confused evil image" thing she has going on.

Herro there. Me again. :) Okay, so this chapter seems pretty interesting due to Carey butting in out of nowhere. Also I can see some more subtle parody humor here, so good for you. The talk between Carey and Priscilla was also pretty much interesting in the humane sense. I personally like the part of mount staring albeit I find it weird that a predator species would shy away from a horse. Sort of reminds me of the goat staring part in The Men Who Stare At Goats movie. Apart from that, I can't really say anything since this chapter's contents is pretty short plus my having a little bit of a headache as well. x.x

P.S: Return this review via The Eternal Grail. :)

"I've always wanted to be an accountant," the boy sighed.

-literally laughed out loud

I really love the little details about the language and sort of the yaksha culture. I have a question though-should yaksha be capitalized since it's sort of a label of a culture?

Alrighty, so I really got into this chapter and it was extremely, extremely well edited, so I have nothing for you as far as my opinions on improvement of grammar/spelling. And I must say that the smoothness once again, of the narrative, got me more into the story than every before. I usually write reviews as I go, but I really couldn't this time because the writing was just so wonderfully clear.

I think overall the biggest highlight of this chapter was your sense of setting, because I think it played a big role (not counting the dragons themselves, haha) but I was fascinated because you worded everything so well I could really see what you were talking about, and visually it was a pretty fun ride. Looking forward to more! :D

Howdy. i meant to comment after the first chapter but didn't want to break the flow in which i was reading. your story goes well and fast, no big pauses. i added it to my favs and am going to keep reading. i hope you keep updating!

"...be correct but for now I think you can just call me Priscilla."

-Edit: I think there could be a comma after "correct"

I like how you're playing the the dialogue between the threesome and how the play off of each other when they begin describing the dragons. It sort of built the expectations, but in a way that makes it also light-hearted.

Very cool that Priscilla sort of second-guesses her abilities there for a second, just because I think this is the first time this has happened really. She sort of has to check herself, when they're on the switchbacks. I was wondering if there would be a moment such as that, and I think you handled it well. I'm back to believing her again right as she explains her plan about the dragons, XD, I liked that the truth half-came out but the direction and enthusiasm was still there.

Overall, like I just gushed, XD, I think you've got great character dynamics working in the chapter. It was well written and smooth per usual, and I think the highlight was really seeing Priscilla deal and interact with characters that don't seem to be leaving her extremely soon. That, and the twins, XD, their interactions were fun, loved it-definitley a different type of comic relief.

Looking forward to these dragons...

Oho. So she's quarter vampire now. That's a good idea. She did a good job playing the evil queen with the robbers - until she tried using the sword. She sounded quite bored, and stuck up.

She's so girly - with the bed and all.

Great chapter. She's starting off well.

How goes the publishing attempt?

The gate guard swore up and down on his mother's grave – Lol

The atmosphere at the school was really well done. I loved the contrast between the frantic staff and the students lounging about and gossiping.

And it sounds like the headmistress has evil connections of her own if she has mysterious strangers on tap. And spooky. I like that fact that he doesn’t speak.

Sorry this is a short review. I enjoyed it though, honest.

Okay, after coming to this point, I discovered that I've read this chapter before. That's a "gasp" moment for sure. :D Okay, so I'm seeing more parody of fantasy here. For starters, there's this cliched thingy on main character being chased by N numbers of dark cloaked people. Then there's the customary witch talk. And for some weird reason, Billy reminds me of a weird parody of the serpent in Genesis. That part on Priscilla wanting a jubjub as pet makes me lol for some reason though. I just don't know why. And the potion would be pretty handy in olden times for sure. ;) And is it me or is it really your intention that the witches being nice to Priscilla was meant to be an ironic parody?

P.S: Return this review via The Eternal Grail. :)

Though I would usually chuck the beginning of this chapter up to a little bit of an info-dump I really don't feel like it was at all because of it's conversational narration and I really liked that about the opening. It's good to get even more of a bearing on the setting and those who populate it, and I think you did it well because you still held my interest through the whole thing!

And she picked a flower to tuck behind Precious' ear.

-Not to sure if it's possible to put a flower behind a horse's ear, I think it might flick off...in it's mane though, might be more believable

Wow, you manage to make the seer's little riddles very believable, kudos for that, I like it because of that!

"And thanks for the prophecy. Um, do you think you could tell me which road leads to the dragons?"

-So nonchalant!

"We're discussing hunting rights, some people," his eyes slid towards the yaksha group, "have been over-hunting the mastodons."

-Did someone say MASTODONS? WIN!

"That was the manliest thing you've ever done, boy," the leader said, then he leaned in closer. "And the smartest."

-XD

Wow I just always find it a great pleasure to read this story, it's always very well written and flows so well, the plot is easy to follow and I don't get characters messed up-I can keep everyone straight! Such a great relief, I like it a lot _