|Reviews for A Tale of Two Ninjas|
| HiddenFromYou 6/8/10 . chapter 1
This story was far too short. You compressed a great deal of action into too short a space of time and it felt rushed and hurried because of that. Stretch it out, explain feelings, do descriptions, don't leave plot holes unfilled.
The beginning was good. Especially the line: "She closed her eyes and waited for death. She failed." That was powerful. In my opinion you should have continued in the same vein throughout the piece.
A few more points:
1. Kisuke basically says "leave me here to die" while the keys are hanging right there. No one would do that. He would either tell Himiko where the keys were and be let out, or not tell her they were there as he knows he would slow her down. Pick one, but not both.
2. After all the effort of getting him out, she wouldn't just run off and leave him. You need more internal conflict.
3. Kisuke is barely about to walk one second, but the next he can fight till midnight. You need to be consistant.
4. You only bring Kisuke back as the wolf to have a happy go ending. You don't need this. You need pain and heartbreak, not a happy ending for the kids.
| Dreamers-Requiem 2/8/10 . chapter 1
I know with a short story you have very little room to expand on the characters, but here I just felt like I really didn't care about either of them, at least not enough to feel saddened by his death or her sadness. Maybe you could work on exploring them, as characters, a bit more?
| Sparkling Sploosh 2/6/10 . chapter 1
I liked how he had become reincarnated and I'm curious to see what will become of this.
I also liked how the bond between the two friends seemed very strong and I could tell that they were close even if I had just begun to read.
I think you did a good job on the characters as well and am curious to see why this mission was so important.